Saturday, June 17, 2006

What To Wear For A Crisis

A loyal reader alerted me to a lesbian Episcopal blogger who writes about attending General Conference and struggling mightily with the issues around radical welcome.

Sister, PeaceBang is 100% with you in spirit. God grant you strength and heart.

This blogger describes coming back from plenary sessions and getting dressed in a pair of gym shorts, a Red Sox shirt, a Red Sox cap and a pair of PINK FLAMINGO flip-flops to go down and have a meal at the hotel bar.

Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy.
I am still 100% with you in Spirit, sister, but not in style. It's time for an intervention.

Let us pray:

Dear Lord,
The work You call us to is hard indeed, and takes us down many a painful path. When our hearts are laden with sorrow and our spirits cannot find You, let us remember that we are nevertheless agents of your love. Give us the strength to remember this wherever we go, even so humble a place as a hotel bar. And Lord, give us the strength to look the part-- emissaries of grace, believers in beauty, people of dignity, representatives of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

What To Wear For a Crisis:

Perhaps a pair of nice, gently flared dark denim jeans or a comfortable skirt, some fashionable boots if you need to kick butt (or want to give the impression that you could if you needed to), a tailored, white blouse, and a BIG cross. Cheery lipstick, and no mascara. Don't forget the white hankie in your pocket, and a packet of Kleenex in your purse.

Let us join in a responsive reading:

The only place that a clergyperson should ever wear sports regalia is while attending a game of that team.
All: We are believers in beauty.

The only place a clergyperson should ever wear pink flamingo flip-flops, if ever, is by the pool.
All: We are emissaries of grace.

The only place a clergyperson should ever wear gym shorts is at the gym.
All: We are dignified people.

This is the word of Truth. Thanks be to God.

Blogging Sister Friend, go in peace and sin no more.

15 Comments:

Blogger Aola said...

You always make me smile (well, actually this post made me laugh out loud.. really loud)

6:08 PM  
Blogger Quotidian Grace said...

~wiping tears of laughter from cheeks~
A-MEN! and I say A-MEN.

10:36 PM  
Blogger Not Your Usual Missionary Position said...

Dear "PeaceBang"....great blog...thanks sooo much.....i have THE PERFECT SKIN CARE PRODUCT; it's also fast & easy.....made by compounding pharmacists (i get mine from diane boomsa, a compounder in PA--the BEST as in she is fabulous!!! as a person AND as a pharmacist/healer-----------
diane.boomsma@verizon.net


the product is called Chrysaderm--Day and Night....they have EVERYTHING good skin needs for health

this is not a full product line, so you'll use your favorite facial cleansing routine and your favorite make-up after. i've been using for a month and i really see a difference, particularly in terms of sunstuff--we live in panama, the republic


all the best

mighty mighty peace
oonie

9:17 AM  
Blogger PeaceBang said...

But Oonie, what is it, exactly? And what's a compounding pharmacist?
We here at PeaceBang are always eager to follow up on miraculous products!

12:42 PM  
Blogger boyinthebands said...

PB, a compounding pharmacist makes up drugs from raw materials, so is a rare skill today. I've only seen the craft used in conjunction with flavoring or changing the texture of oral drugs for people who cannot take them as-is.

I'd go to the oldest pharmacy in town -- CVS, not so much.

4:09 PM  
Blogger Not Your Usual Missionary Position said...

Hello, PeaceBang

O! I can go on & on about compounders. They are specially trained/mentored pharmacists who take the pure thing off the shelf & make it in ways that do not exist. One of my favorite compounders goes every year to Alaska to catch wild salmon for making cat-friendly meds. He also uses top quality & organic beef, lamb, etc for cats, dogs, other non-human creatures. Some of the meds they make are topical. One of the compounders INVENTED this gel called PLO. It's an organic, soy based gel that opens up the skin layers to allow meds to literally "drip" into the bloodstream. When I was a hospice nurse, I worked w this compounder & we once put over ten meds in this gel. And for many non-human creatures this gel works fabulously. Otherwise medications can be non-human specific flavored with real, safe, good meat/fish/chicken. The pharmacist in Berkeley CA who does the non-human stuff is John Garcia at Abbott's Pharmacy. The guy who invented PLO is Kenny King--and get this, he wanted no money/royalties for this stuff; he gets no $ for its creation; he just wants people all over the world to use it. Once upon a time, there was an elephant at the SF zoo, dying of TB. No one could get the HUGE dosage of TB meds; so John created an elephant-sized suppository AND discovered that an ordinary household product made a great way to insert the suppository. That elephant is alive today. Many compounders specialise--some make NATURAL hormone replacements as their specialty. Some do hospice work--nebulising morphine or putting MS in gel or flavoring it to make it palatable; they've even made it less bitter. When I first met Kenny, he was on the phone with another hospice nurse, asking the patient's favorite flavor--or the flavors he hated, maybe a more important question. The nurse responded that she knew the patient/client loved beer;he spent over two hours trying to make his morphine beer flavored. He was on the phone & computer with compounders all over the world in those 2 hours, trying to come up with a yeasty/beery taste. It did not work but the client liked sherry, so the compounder went out and bought the best sherry he could find, a sweet one, and did not charge the patient a penny for that! Many meds discontinued by drug companies can be compounded. So if something ever worked for you or anyone you know & it no longer exists, you can contact pcca or the international compounding association & get a compounder to make it for you or the one you know. Or write me & I'll find you a specialtist in that particular field. You can also write Kenny at kdrug@aol.com....Chrysaderm Night and Day are creams that have like EVERYTHING in them that good skin needs--sunblock, vitamin C--C esther, CoQ10--and ALL the stuff you'd need five or 6 products for. As I said, Diane is THE BEST I know for skin care. You can write her if you like & she'll respond. I have the perfect easy skin care regimen. I keep skin cleanser wipes, toner & cotton by my bedside. I clean my face, tone it and get the grunge out, then apply Day or Night. And I'm ready to go!....In 1995 there were less than 2000 compounders; their numbers are decreasing as you can imagine b/c the wretched US guvment & the evil FDA have worked very hard to put these folks out a bidness! They are politically active; they are creative geniuses and their motto is "Doulos" (did I spell that correctly? My Greek is sorry) meaning "to serve" or technically "to serve Thou" the Divine in all of us. Two compounders walked into my house--one a year ago, one a month ago. I'd never me these folks before. Both looked in my eyes, at my tongue, and skin

DHEA nasal spray--migraines; a nasal spray that STOPS the flu & colds (2 deoxy-D-glucose); a topical sunburn CURE--my 2nd degree burn was gone in less than 4; less than 12 hours with immediate relief of pain. I burned my finger on the stove one night & put this on; it hurt like hell for about 15 seconds; then NO PAIN & my burn was gone by morning & no pain during the night. Then there's my favorite prescription: "Marty's Rectal Rocket" REALLY, that's what goes on the Rx!!! It's 3 nights of a suppository that looks like a golf tee for giants! It has grooves up both sides to keep one for "spitting" out the suppository. It can be compounded for specific needs--inflammation, pain, bleeding, etc. I have never known ANYONE who needed night 3. Keeps one out of the surgeons office for hemorrhoids!!! SERIOUSLY.

As I said, I can go on & on. If you need more information, please email me at 9degreesnorth@gmail.com & I'll give you MORE info!!!

Thanks for your ministry! You are too fab!

oonie

9:26 PM  
Blogger PeaceBang said...

Wow, Oonie! Sounds like compounders are magical healing witches! Only with scientific knowledge! I love them already, except I'm a little scared of all those suppositories. Still, who wouldn't rather put one of those up their bum than have surgery!

I'll be asking you for those numbers again in about 20 years, as I age and get hemmorhoids.

I never knew that's what "doula" means. Is that the same word for the doulas who take care of new babies?

9:43 PM  
Blogger Not Your Usual Missionary Position said...

Yes, darlin, they ARE like magical healing witches! Go find one & establish a relationship. They can fix anything (except your old car & who knows with biodiesel bein so popular & all, they might do that, too!! This Peter Ford guy from Canada is also brilliant and too cute! He looked at my tongue, skin, eyes, and said, "your second toe is longer than your other toes (I was shoed and socked!), you rarely remember your dreams and only recently have you been dreaming in colour; you think your thyroid is low but actually it's your adrenals that are shot! And he went on & on like a psychic as I sat there gaping & gawking & gurling & nodding. He sat right down & wrote out a list of stuff for me to take & only one thing required a Rx! They are also really big into nutrition & natural stuff. Yes, I DO believe doula comes from that Greek word I cannot spell. We spent a summer at the GTU with Prof Dr Robert Smith (PLTS) TRYING to learn Greek. EEK! We were in the most remedial, most tutored class & studied six to 8 hours a day. And you are right, one cannot possibly do anything without a cat or two helping. Did you know we have a male calico, an XXY cat, a little bisexual kitty who was an Oakland street only kitten who adopted me at 4 weeks of age & left his mom? He has his faghag girlie girl companion, Miss Paid (kinda like pawd, a play on words about the Irish woman name for Patrick,meaning noble--I'm not a big Patrick fan; I'm a Brigid goddess girl myself but this kitty is the most fearless & noble gato/mee see in Kuna and min see in Ngobe; also she never learned to put in her claws, hence pawd; AND they are the children of my menoPAUSE/menoPAWS!

Did you know the Rev Michelle at !st UU Oakland is my bestest friend in the whole world and that she turned me on to your blog? I miss her soo much.

Paz
oonie

If you ever want to run away for a vacation, we are 20 min by water taxi from Bocas Island, 3 hours from Boquete, & less than an hour from Costa Rica. Come visit; you'll need those cork shoes for the gravel streets. BTW, where DID you find them? I MUST have some!!!

9:54 PM  
Anonymous Miz Kitty said...

Sweet Peace Bang, I think of you as a compassionate critic, and I think you came down too hard with the critical part and not hard enough with the compassionate part of your nature.

I read the whole post by our Episcopalian colleague and my heart ached for her. I think her outfit could be an appropriate statement in light of her grief and is a modern version of sackcloth and ashes. I do think that pink flamingo flip flops probably clash with sports regalia, especially red, but again, grief does scramble our responses sometimes.

I read you all the time out here on the Far Left Coast but find that your Far Right Coast ("right" in terms of geography, not politics) standards are a little much for those of us who live in forests and on cool, rocky beaches.

But I love you anyhow.

10:27 AM  
Blogger jledmiston said...

It's been the longest day for more reasons than one. Peacebang -- I turn to you for something to help us through.

Looking forward to your next post. Maybe something light and airy in the tea dress department.

12:44 AM  
Blogger Juliana said...

PeaceBang, you have a new fan in San Francisco. I'm blogging alongside the "Gnosticators" as I irrreverently call these lads. They're quite wonderful but very... male. So I've thrown down the gauntlet and asked for more female input. When I did a silly blog on What to Wear, a buddy of yours turned me on to you. OH HOW I DO LOVE YOUR BLOG.

Thank you, thank you. And expect a bit more traffic. I'm telling all ze girlz in my circle about you. I gather the lads find you hilarious also. Hope your travels have been pleasant. 'nighty 'night

Juliana in SF
A horrific dresser who lives in jeans and sweats just EXACTLY as you said we West Coasters do... I need cork sandals and a skirt in my life!

3:30 AM  
Blogger revabi said...

Dear Peace Bang what a wonderful liturgy, prayer, and blessing. I had to repeat the liturgy several times.

Now what do I do if I have moved, and I can't find my makeup kit, my curling iron, and other asundry beauty items?

5:58 PM  
Blogger Peregrinato said...

I love you.

12:02 PM  
Blogger Jordan Stratford+ said...

RepreSENT, sistah! Great post.

Now can we do something about the very EXISTENCE of tie-dyed chasubles?

10:46 PM  
Anonymous Sarah Dylan Breuer said...

Dear PeaceBang,

Thank you so very, very much for your interjection of aesthetic and liturgical good sense into our (the Episcopal Church's) General Convention!

I firmly believe that as members of the Anglican Communion, we ought to have consulted more widely -- globally within the Anglican Communion, certainly, but also ecumenically and in interfaith contexts -- about the myriad ways in which our blessings of the ministries of the "aesthetically challenged" in leadership might cause pain among our sistren and brethren, and therefore I call upon our Standing Commission on Liturgy and Music in consultation with our no-doubt-soon-to-be-announced Very Special Commission on the Episcopal Church and the Beautiful Fellowship of All Fabulous People to come up as soon as possible with a liturgy repenting of our offenses, of commission and ommission both, against the kind of aesthetic standards that honor our Creator. Please don't kick us out of the Aesthetic Communion before we have a chance to do repent in (flatteringly cut) sackcloth and (tastefully applied) ashes.

Blessings to you in your crucial ministry, sister.

Dylan

12:53 AM  

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