Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Tragedy Of The Two Bags

I was sitting just now eating chicken wings in the kitchen with L'il Flava, (
who is living with me after having escaped the mean streets of NYC. She is my Fresh Air Child this summer. We were discussing the issue of bags, of course, and she told me a story that made me weep.

Once upon a time, L'il Flava (a 4'10" urban goddess of Filipina descent) received a lovely, thoughtful gift from loving family members. The gift was a classic, businesswoman-style bag she describes as "gorgeous, gorgeous." Except, there was a problem. A serious problem. A problem she first tried to overcome with wishful thinking and with positive thoughts.

The purse was navy.

She thought, "Well, perhaps people will think it's black. Like on those dark winter mornings when you accidentally pull out one navy and one black sock -- you won't be able to tell the difference."
There was such hope in her heart.

But darling readers, you know that once navy, always navy. And L'il Flava is a banging fashion academic religious leader and she knows that we just can't overcome the naviness of navy.

The bag sat unused in her closet for six months. In the end, she just had to give it away to a very good cause (Dress for Success).

Let us all cry together. So, sad very sad. Yet such a boon for some woman who needed a beautiful bag.

As if that wasn't enough bag tragedy, L'il Flava was once again gifted with a smashing, fabulous purse for her graduation from Union Theological Seminary (she's DOCTAH L'il Flava now, people). This time, a Coach bag! COACH!


Who doesn't want a Coach bag!!???
EVERY girl wants a COACH bag!!

Except... you're going to have to sit down... the bag was one of those little armpit warmers,* and it was in a light tan hue that is just SO not L'il Flava.

That bag, representing the dashed hopes and dreams of bag-addicts everywhere, is sitting unused in storage at L'il Flava's sister's house.* Since it wasn't given with a gift receipt, it can't even be exchanged at a Coach store. She has listed it on craig's list with no takers yet. As we know, the girls who carry armpit warmers are leggy lasses no more than 100 lbs., and all they need to carry in their purses are a Bonne Bell lipgloss and a cell phone that mommy and daddy gave them for their Sweet 16. They are not hard-working theologians and professors who have Important Religious Works In Progress to cart around with them.

L'il Flava and I are very depressed now, and must go eat more dark chocolate-covered espresso beans. We do want to remind all the readers of this blog that it's a good idea to take a file folder with you when you shop for bags, to assure that they'll fit comfortably without bunching up.

Dream of Coach tonight, my darlings. And lovely Italian leather purses in any color but navy.

* The expression "armpit warmer" must be credited to Rebecca, L'il Flava's l'il sister.
* That would be Rebecca.

The classic Coach armpitwarmer can be seen at:


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, the NYC craigslist posting of the bag, including pix, expired a couple of weeks ago. I do not wish to make a flea market of BTFM, but I have Rev. Peacebang's divine dispensation for this case. If any of you wish to purchase the aforementioned armpit warmer (makes a lovely gift!), pls contact me c/o the good PB. Your purchase will fund Dr. Li'l Flava's impending move to her new job.

3:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

P.S.-- Rebekah is incredibly understanding but hates her name being misspelled in public.

3:21 PM  
Blogger GloryintheMorning said...

Not to get all problem-solve-y on you, but why not list it on ebay? Do a "completed items" search, and you'll see that most "demi pouch" bags sell for between $60 - $150.

... or maybe you're just not an ebay crackhead like me....

3:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dr. Li'l Flava thanks you for the rec. Alas, her credentials are in God-talk and moral discernment, not in the far more lucrative field of eBay-ology.

While she has purchased items on eBay, the few times she has posted items for sale, she found it such a major, time-sucking ordeal that-- anticipated cash aside-- it hardly felt worth the effort, none too user-friendly for the casual seller. She wishes the power-users out there well, but she is not one of them.

She is, however, considering having an eBay consigner take care of the posting.

9:54 PM  
Blogger Caroline Divine said...

Caroline Divine here does not go for navy, though she does have one navy bag she has been loath to give away because it is such a well-designed shoulder bag (not an armpit warmer, has a good long strap) and You Never Know and sometimes Navy Happens (the bag might work with new jeans and a white top), and, besides, she is definitely a brunette (why are we all suddenly talking in the third person? not that we don't loooove Miss Manners and Her Eminence PeaceBang) but I think navy can be okay for a blonde. More color combination options. Think navy, white, and bright yellow.

Dr. Li'l Flava, I say go for the consigner. You want the moolah. Unless there is a well-turned blonde in this forum who wants to buy the bag directly. It is handsome. It's just not for us. Oh, and what about consignment stores? The upscale kind in the burbs? Are there some near PeaceBang's church?

6:18 PM  
Blogger Caroline Divine said...

Oh geez, I am confused. I conflated the already-given-away navy bag with the tan Coach armpit-warmer. Sorry. See what happens when I do too much academic research in the summer? My brain goes to mush. Someone send me a margarita and a mystery novel.

Good luck getting rid of the tan Coach, expensively of course.


10:58 PM  
Anonymous see-through faith said...


margharitas and mystery novels all round

3:15 AM  
Blogger jledmiston said...

Peacebang -- I thought the when I clicked on the link to see the armpit warmer, I'd see "the wristlet" which is even more of an armpit warmer than your/Rebekah's armpit warmer.

The Coach Hamptons Weekend Large Tote, on the other hand would be perfect for the new seminary graduate. You can carry a Bible --with Apocrypha -- in one of those.

10:41 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home