Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Beauty Tips For Bishops

PeaceBang extends her warmest and most sincere blessings to the Rev. Ms. Katharine Jefferts Schori on her election as Bishop of the Episcopal Church in America, and would like to publicly offer to buy Bishop-Elect Jefferts Schori a drink if fate should ever place them in the same approximate location.

katharine jefferts schori

PeaceBang just gets sicker every day about the way the Anglican communion keeps fighting about gay people as though they're somehow upsetting to Jesus, who never said a word about them, when he did say plenty of things about DIVORCED people and PeaceBang notices that DIVORCED people, who, Scripturally speaking, definitely possess a "MANNER OF LIFE WHICH PRESENTS A CHALLENGE TO THE WIDER CHURCH" get to serve as bishops and priests with NO PROBLEM. But of course when we think of divorced heterosexuals, we don't immediately think about their private lady and gentlemen bits the way some people do whenever there's a gay person in the room, so it's easier to overlook the fact that Jesus apparently had BIG problems with divorce and didn't seem to think the gay issue was worth mentioning. Although, of course, if you go by Hebrew Scriptures, it's a very serious problem to be gay and all. And of course Jesus did nothing with his career but deconstruct and reform OT laws, so it makes SO MUCH SENSE that JC would have been down with dissing the gay folk. Way to go, Christian people!

PeaceBang has to catch her breath and wipe the froth from her mouth now.

PeaceBang would like to say to Bishop-Elect Jefferts Schori, Honey, good luck with that Anglican communion thing and we're rooting for you, but just remember you're going to be attending lots of very upsetting meetings and flying on airplanes a lot and PeaceBang doesn't want you to get all haggard looking so that those homophobic fools in your communion have occasion to say, "Yes, the Lord is not sustaining this bishop in her work. She is clearly becoming haggard and losing faith."

Katharine, you need to stay healthy for all of us, and you've got to shine.
Take huge bottles of water and packets of Emergen-C with you on flights. Bring moisturizer and use it. Revlon Skinlights makes a great liquid illuminator for your face. Ice on the eyes to de-puff. A spritz of some nice, internationally acceptable fragrance (an orange note base would probably work). Visine, comfortable shoes, dental floss in your bag. Soothing tunes on the i-Pod. Be fabulous. You are truly laboring in the vineyards.

So Katharine, just for you, PeaceBang recommends:

A good colorist, because it will just brighten you up, and I see from your latest photo in the Christian Century that you're going grayer all the time.
A good stylist who won't cut your curls too short and make you look all poodleish, which simply doesn't become such a handsome and accomplished woman.
A bit of creme blush and a nice neutral lip liner to fill in your lips before covering them with a shinier lipstick that will look nicer on camera (but not too gooey or glossy, of course).
Eyebrow pencil, because yours are wonderfully shaped but faded out.
Your skin is beautiful, congratulations and keep it up with the sunblock.

Can we talk about the bright fuschia clerical shirt you've been wearing? I think you might be echoing the fabulous pink blouse-under-black-suit look worn so successfully by Hilary Clinton during her run for the Senate, but it's just not really a good look for you. You're a scientist. You're a bishop. Let's go with black and see what we can do in terms of some more shape to your jackets. And when you get your hair done, that will really make it all pop.

Call me. Love you. Kiss, kiss.

30 Comments:

Blogger Rev. Sean said...

Ok, so this made me look for more pictures of the Rt. Rev.

I think she looks a bit better in some of the other pics, and gets the eyebrow thing.

http://rci.rutgers.edu/~lcrew/bishops/jeffertsschori.jpg

Now, at least if I see her, I might recognize her. Another service of BTFM

9:01 PM  
Blogger boyinthebands said...

A Certain Episcopalian I Love said, respecting the new Moderator of the Presbyterian Church (USA), "Does she get a special hat? Because if there's no hat, what's the point?"

I agree about the ecclesiastic purple. Yes, it says, "I'm a bishop." It also says, "This shade of purple hasn't been fashionable since the reign of Queen Victoria." And, "This shade looks great on people the color of antique damask. Maybe."

The sad fact is that there is no one "official" ecclesiastic purple; there's just was the ecclesiastic tailors sell.

My word to the Bishop of Nevada. Swap the fushia for plum. Or PeaceBang, you have a better eye for color than I. Would a blue-casting red (also "purple") work better?

Here are some Anglican bishops from the 1998 Lambeth Conference, showing various shades of the purple

9:04 PM  
Blogger PeaceBang said...

oh my god, I just love you both. I barely had time to go pour myself a Dr. Pepper after posting these before both of you were ON THE SCENE.
Sean, I think the Rutgers photos were taken awhile back, before more gray and 'brow fading set in.

Scott,I shall carefully consider the purple options. With great trepidation. Does she HAVE to wear purple?

9:06 PM  
Blogger PeaceBang said...

Scott, DEFINITELY the more purple plum color. Absolutely. Which means she's got to get into skin brightening base, creme blush, lovely nude colored lipstick -- NOT, God forbid, plummy lipsticks that make any woman over 50 look like she has jowls and turns the teeth yellow. And she ought to look into a soft black eyeliner. She can ROCK in that plum color. But she needs to call me because I want to try several looks on her face, and I want to meet with her colorist.

9:09 PM  
Anonymous Sarah Dylan Breuer said...

PeaceBang,

Love you. Love your work.

I want to add a couple of points, though, to your observations in this post.

First, +Katharine spells her name with two 'a's. The little plus sign before her name signifies that she's a bishop already. I'm pretty sure that she thinks the little plus-sign conventions around the ordained are very, very silly, and she'd just as soon be called "Katharine" without special punctuation (the first time I met her, as I recall, she told someone who asked how she prefers to be addressed that "My Baptismal name is my highest title -- call me Katharine"), but that does lead to a second point:

She's already a bishop. She's been serving as Bishop of Nevada for some years, and was just recently elected as Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church, the "first among equals" of our House of Bishops. And that's the reason for the fuschia. The plum shirts are worn by some bishops, but not by many, and people tend to ascribe all sorts of theological baggage to those who wear it, even if they're wearing it because it's just such a nicer color for many than that hot pink thing. All that's to say that the colors a bishop wears does, alas, depend far more on theo-political and sociological considerations than on considerations of fashion.

But please allow me to say something with which I think you'll largely agree:

Intelligence and compassion are always in fashion.

On those grounds, Presiding Bishop-elect the Rt. Rev. Katharine Jefferts Schori is eternally a supermodel.

Blessings,

Dylan

9:44 PM  
Blogger Jordan Stratford+ said...

Amen on the plum call. But let her gray! It will make her seem sage and patient and artistic. And soften that perm; framing her face will draw more attention to her eyes. Also under a mitre her hair will get bunchy if it's too short, and make that vacuumy "thoob" sound when she takes it off. Distracting.

And yes, she has to purple. Just not Barney-purple. A nice claret would work as well, but that might be pushing it a bit.

9:58 PM  
Blogger PeaceBang said...

Dylan, did you used to be Dylan Anderson and attend Harvard Divinity School? If so, we were PALS!
But more to your point, I'm so grateful you wrote because I was a bit worried that some of the Episcopalian sisters and brothers might take offense at my highlighting of the good Bishop. Thank you for your clarifications, I have corrected the spelling where it was wrong, and I'll let you all duke it out over the shades of plum vs. claret vs. Barney.
Jordan, what a hot hunk of bishop YOU are! And I hope you don't mind me saying so! I'm just a little jealous of you all with your "+" symbols. That is very cool. We Unitarian Universalists only see the "+" on our ministerial settlement website, where such symbols mean that a congregation has chosen a candidate.

10:05 PM  
Blogger Eclectic Ascetic said...

If I remember from my time ins an Episcopal school, the presiding bishop is informally referred to as the PB, PeaceBang. What are your thoughts about her bishop's ring? She might be in the market for an upgrade.

10:31 PM  
Blogger PeaceBang said...

The PB! The PB! Awesome!

As for the ring, that's pretty official stuff, no? Although I think she could rock a gorgeous, big cross around her neck instead of the classic gold chains I saw her wearing in one photo.

10:33 PM  
Blogger reverendmother said...

Girl you crack my shit UP!!!!!

And I agree about Joan Gray's pic in the Century. I could hear the Disney angel chorus singing "Ahhhhh...." as I gazed upon its loveliness.

10:35 PM  
Blogger boyinthebands said...

Sorry, PB, the little Greek crosses are more complicated than that. Fr. Stratford is a priest. + after the name. Bishops get theirs up front.

Which is why this Low Churchman uses titles or refers to offices, such as "the Rt. Rev. Katharine Jefferts Schori" or "the Bishop of Nevada."

Or as in, "Have you heard from the twenty-ninth Pastor and Teaching Elder of the First Parish in Walnut Bottom? I hear her son Increase has the croup."

See, we daughters and sons have our funny naming conventions, even if purple never creeps into our vocational wardrobes. Or rarely ever. Batik doesn't count.

(By the way, Fr. Stratford, a UU colleague pointed me to your blog. Small world.)

10:40 PM  
Blogger boyinthebands said...

Er . . . "daughters and sons of the New England Way"

10:42 PM  
Blogger Caroline Divine said...

About that little cross *after* the names.

The one before the name is used by bishops of the RC and EC persuasion. It's been in usage a really long time.

The one after the name, as someone here noted, is used by some, not all, EC (Episcopal) priests, and seems to be a very recent thing. As in the past decade or so and even more so in the last few years. As in, people who even sign letters to their friends
Susie+ or Jim+ [not their real names]. *rant button on* I find it obnoxious, unnecessary, and a sign of creeping clericalism. I say this as a happy Episcopalian who will be ordained (God willing and the people consenting, as we say) in the nearish future (from your mouth to God's ears, one of our Jewish grandparents would say) and who spent a quarter of a century in the Catholic (as in Roman Catholic) women's movement (and women's ordination movement, yes there is one and a very active one, as PB knows), which has a much better and more thoroughgoing critique of clericalism than, alas, many of my Anglican sisters. *rant button off*

Dylan is right that Katharine Jefferts Schori (the Right Reverend, soon to be the Most Reverend) does not stand on much ceremony. (Though she does ceremony just fine when she needs to, and she will need to in the new job.) ...Reminds me of when Barbara Harris, whose ordination, a.k.a. consecration, as the first woman bishop in the Anglican Communion I was privileged to attend back in '89, went back to Philadelphia for a visit to her home church some time after and one of the folks there said "I want to kiss the bishop's ring!" to which Bishop Barbara replied, "Honey, don't kiss the bishop's ring, kiss the bishop!" Long may she live. (Now there is a classy woman, by the way, and with very well cut suits.)

As for the advice and photo: that is one of the worst photos of Katharine I've seen. This is a healthy woman who runs every day, stays slender, and has a good haircut. I've seen it in person. (May not be a perm. May be naturally curly.) And that beautiful low modulated voice. But the tired look can happen very fast in bishop-land. Foundation and a bit of blush (and the right lipstick, yes) are key. PB, you are absolutely right about hydration. Especially since the travel is going to increase. And Dylan, right on, yes on what never goes out of style.

But a good haircut is key. Do not get me started on the topic of Bad Haircuts Among Clergywomen. (Again, I bow to you, PeaceBang, a deep Zen bow with palms together.)

I pray that Bishop Jefferts Schori gets enough sleep in the next few years. Nothing like sleep deprivation to mess up your complexion. (And your sanity.)

Scott, love the Daughters and Sons of the New England Way!

Cheers,

Caroline Divine (who thanks Godde on a regular basis for her fabulous hairdresser, and thanks the hairdresser very often too)

11:18 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

Not that I didn't already have a huge bloggy crush on you already PB - but your frothy rant has sealed the deal. I totally love this most excellent and eloquent rant.

As to the rest -- I second Caroline Divine's deep zen bow to your wisdom.

12:04 AM  
Blogger PeaceBang said...

I am just an unfrozen caveman minister! Your complicated ways with crosses before and after your names confuse and upset me!

1:08 AM  
Blogger Eclectic Ascetic said...

I suspect that's not just a gold chain. Episcopal bishops have a habit of wearing a pectoral cross but stowing it in the shirt pocket, so all you see is the chain. I don't know why, but I've been amused that it could be some display of modesty about being so ostentatiously Christian, the purple clergy shirts notwithstanding. More likely it's because the crosses are big and swingy.

5:52 AM  
Blogger Songbird said...

Isn't there an acceptable dark purple of the bluish-to-blackish tinge available? Clerically speaking, I am an uncomplicated UCC person, but color-wise, I would prefer the deep purple.
And if there is a theological key to the shades of purple, I would love to hear more about it.

2:50 PM  
Blogger Quotidian Grace said...

Dear boyinthebands,

There's no hat for the Moderator of the PCUSA, because the Presbyterian church is all about NO BISHOPS. That includes no Bishop-fripperies such as hats, croziers, slippers, incense, etc.

The Moderator gets a pastoral stole and an academic gown. Not exactly ecclesiastical stylin', but it's the Presbyterian way.

Think John Knox (or don't, because his style was really scary).

7:55 PM  
Blogger boyinthebands said...

QG -- have you seen my picture? I'm practically a fashion plate for Auld Kirk Monthly, and I happen to think John Knox's getup was fabulous. But that's me.

Recall it is the Certain Episcopalian I Love that demands a hat.

10:06 PM  
Blogger Quotidian Grace said...

The Knox look is fab for you, but I think not so fab for Madame Moderator!

9:08 AM  
Blogger boyinthebands said...

I even have a beard again, though not the cubit and a half long birds'-nest the "lyght of Scotland" wore.

Back to the bishop business, Wippell's (the Sephora of ecclesiastic tailoring) has part of its catalog online, including this portion just for bishops' gear. This is a PDF download.

9:16 AM  
Blogger mibi52 said...

Oh, my! I just found you, and as my pal ReverendMother has said, you crack my shit up as well.

For your viewing pleasure, I now send you to my favorite fashion site:

http://garmentsofpraise.net/preaching_attire_for_women.htm

Somehow I can't quite picture +Katharine in the Contrast Ladies' suit, but it is such a nice fuchsia!

10:26 PM  
Blogger Not Your Usual Missionary Position said...

PB, honey

You'd have a full time job dressing and make-upping ALL the Episco/Anglican women clergy types. There are at least 2 schools of "What Not To Wear" (the British version of this show with Trinnie and Susannah interrupted a CofE priest mid-sermon to do her makeover! It was fabulous!): 1 is wear no earrings (or only teeny tiny things like your grandmother's pearls, no nail polish, no watch (too distracting), no rings other than a wedding ring, and don't have wild hair color. And there's even a no makeup rule--isn't that awful? There's a whole set of boring clothing rules for this, too. Some are right on--big dangly earrings ARE distracting. The 2nd school of thought is the glamorous look of makeup, red nails, etc. But then we put on those albs not made for breasts--have you ever seen a woman who weighed more than 94 pounds look good in an alb with a hideous polyester cincture? Then there's the chasuble--again, not made for breasts..and over that alb that's over the clothes? SOMEONE somewhere MUST rethink all this. Not to mention most of these clothes are polyester (eew, gross, ugh, shudder, nasty). If you're ever bored, check out Almy, Whippell, and other vestment providers on-line. Even the mega-bucks Ms Julia Hemingray makes nothing that looks good on real women's bodies. The ONLY thing that looks good on any woman is a cassock with the Anglican angel-winged surplice. And that cassock is made for a man's body, so don't please take that surplice off. Can we not get beyond polyester and find tailors and seamstresses who can MAKE our clericals and vestments for our bodies so that we look good and are comfortable. The supposed womanspirit vestment makers show a suit in a microfiber; they have a great idea of a collarslip. But they only do that in poly. I wrote and asked if I could send them raw silk and lightest weight tropical wool and they could charge me extra for the collarslips and they said no. Och! We need some help here folks, seriously. And don't get me started about the bad haircuts that are all alike--at least in the seminary I attended. By our 2nd year everyone had a bob. Is this what we really mean by "formation"? LORD, I hope not. But I am afraid too many times it is. I remember the time I was the lay assistant for some woman bishop and I was doin okay until I looked down and saw that she was wearing big honkin mega expensive rings. Some looked old and inherited; she was US Southern so I let that pass but when I looked down and saw this pave'd faced Rolex with a diamond encrusted bezel that I lost her place and she made that nasty "girl noise" at me. And I glared back and then down at her arm and made that nasty girl noise right back. Whew, folks, I thought there'd be a catfight at the LORD's Table! Lordamercy! Neither of us could wait until everything was all over and she could get throught the handshaking and asskissing and faux smiles of the receiving line so we could go at one another. I mean, really, there might be a POOR person who mistakenly (is that even a word?) comes into an Episcopal Church! God forbid this should happen; we'd not know what to do other than establish an OUTREACH ministry TO (as in--we'll bring you some food but we don't want you in our churches). I think I was the only seminarian in my class who could spell social justice. We just do NOT do it. Well we've got Via Media and Every Voice Network and the Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies. and we've got Miss Rosa Lee or The Rev'd Rosa Lee or Rosa Lee+ to thank for role modeling everyday wear but even she could use some help with her Sunday clothes and Lord knows I LOVE Rosa Lee! O and I don't know how she dresses but Mother Martha in the South Bronx not only knows how to spell social action and social justice; she LIVES it!

Cattily yours
Meow
oonie

11:47 PM  
Blogger boyinthebands said...

Oonie: The ONLY thing that looks good on any woman is a cassock with the Anglican angel-winged surplice.

Right. Right. Right.

I wrote as much here.

Had I to do all over, I'd even give up my Geneva gown for cassock and surplice.

12:28 AM  
Anonymous Lorna said...

The cross inthe pĆ³cket is so it doesn't fall into the soup. So declasse!

3:25 AM  
Blogger episcomom said...

Yay! I love this blog!

7:43 PM  
Anonymous Joan R said...

Oh.Dear.God - this is reminding me of La Cieca talking about how opera divas need "a gay friend" (for those now saying "huh...?", this refers to a certain thread of opera fandom)in order to be sure that their public presentation reflects the truth that they are, in fact fabulous.

Now I do want to note something serious for the record:

We should all strive to uphold our baptismal vow that we "respect the dignity of every human being". Now I think people on this thread are, on the one hand, just playing and having fun, and on another hand, are applying their skills in art, design, etc. - if we're an Incarnational people, then how we do things physically *does* matter.

But let's be careful out here, shall we? - keep it light and fun, not snarky or worse, ok?

cheers from Boston - Joan R

12:28 AM  
Blogger Ann said...

That was Devon Anderson who was at HDS in the early 90s with me and perhaps you. She is an Episcopal priest in Minnesota now and her mom is the President of the House of Deputies (similar to the PB's duties in heading the House of Bishops)

2:20 PM  
Blogger Justine's HouseWreck said...

As of last Tuesday, I'm more than happy to say "yes. I AM a Liberal." and as, always, I'm happy to raise my hand when asked "are you one of those Episcopalians?" Just yesterday I was asked about how our little congregation was doing, 5 years after a fracture. One newly ordained priest (she rocks!) and one in process. New faces showing up. The person who asked, a Lutheran, just had a split in their congregation over, "you know, THE GAYS", like us she had assumed. Well, I pointed out emphatically, that wasn't what went on. It's never been about that. Never. Our church family, in this little corner of Northwest Wyoming is about inclusion. No checklist at the door. No questions over identity. We are about inclusion and that's that. Come on in, the water's fine.

Welcome to the Presiding Bishop. Things continue to be exciting!

6:55 PM  
Blogger Justine's HouseWreck said...

As of last Tuesday, I'm more than happy to say "yes. I AM a Liberal." and as, always, I'm happy to raise my hand when asked "are you one of those Episcopalians?" Just yesterday I was asked about how our little congregation was doing, 5 years after a fracture. One newly ordained priest (she rocks!) and one in process. New faces showing up. The person who asked, a Lutheran, just had a split in their congregation over, "you know, THE GAYS", like us she had assumed. Well, I pointed out emphatically, that wasn't what went on. It's never been about that. Never. Our church family, in this little corner of Northwest Wyoming is about inclusion. No checklist at the door. No questions over identity. We are about inclusion and that's that. Come on in, the water's fine.

Welcome to the Presiding Bishop. Things continue to be exciting!

6:56 PM  

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