Thursday, August 10, 2006

On Puppies

I wrote in the last post that when shopping for white blouses, we should check the rear view for "puppies."

"Puppies" is the endearing term that MotherBang uses for those little unruly rolls of fat that bulge out of the bra straps and that ruin the elegant line of our clothing. They are the bane of the roly-poly, and we do have to be mindful of them. The expression "sloppy fat" should be one we assiduously try to avoid being appropriately applied to us.

I see a lot of sloppy fat out there, and have certainly been less vigilant myself than I should be in wearing constraining undergarments at all times. As I have said before, I am a veritable meatball of a gal and have pretty much given up trying to achieve a smooth silhouette. However, I do try to avoid wearing outfits that egregiously highlight my roly-poly attributes. It's a challenge.

That said, I believe it is still better to wear body-conscious clothes with some SHAPE to them than to try to camoflauge everything in enormous tentage. Hanes Her Way makes some marvelous undies that are cotton and spandex, and PeaceBang wears the industrial strength version every day herself, and the version that comes way up over the tummy when wearing more fitted blouses that could be all about a blobby midsection if I wasn't careful. I buy them at the Hanes outlet, as they don't seem to be widely available anywhere else, and I am devoted to the cotton-spandex combo. I buy them five or six at a time and they are indestructible, darlings. At almost $20 apiece, they should be.

These look pretty good, as I can't seem to find my exact product anywhere on the Net: http://www.essentialapparel.com/index.cfm/a/catalog.prodshow/vid/3306/catid/39

This is an awesome item:
http://www.jms.com/cgi-bin/ncommerce/ProductDisplay?prnbr=12958&cgnbr=40B1000000

Every chunky minister should have a few key body smoothing items in her closet. Do lay in some Spanx and control top hose and a body smoother. And remember that good posture takes off ten pounds! Which is beauty magazine nonsense, but PeaceBang WANTS TO BELIEVE IT!
Watch my wishful thinking at work!

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

we should check the rear view for "puppies."

And the front view! I keep seeing women who obviously need a DD cup, pretending they're a C. Why do they want to? If you've got it, flaunt it. And if you don't want people staring at your breasts, the worst thing you can do is impose a deep crease on each one with a much-too-small bra.

Amy

8:33 AM  
Blogger Pastor Laura said...

Here, here anonymous! I recently had a "bra conversion" and was properly fitted at Nordstrom. Yes, I discovered that I had been wearing the wrong size. I am not ashamed to say that I am a 38 HH (previously a 42 DDD). WHAT?! Yes, you read correctly, a 38 HH! I have never been so thrilled to wear an underwire, which I had given up wearing years ago in seminary to avoid the “third boob” effect that underwires seemed to have. Yes, I can fit one cup on my head like a hat, but the girls are now officially locked and loaded! And, might I add, in very tasteful, pretty bras that do not look like granny bras. These are investments ladies, and it is important to go to a store that caries the proper CUP size, rather than compensating with bandwidth.

I have found that the only bras (Lane Bryant doesn’t carry anything beyond an H) that fit me are “Fantasie of England” bras. They flatter the bigger breasted women and are carried at Nordstrom’s nationwide (but strangely enough, my size is not listed in their online store). My suggestion is to buy one or two (they are expensive), then wait for their yearly anniversary sale (in July) and stock up. OR you can go online to: http://www.biggerbras.com/fantasie-bras.shtml

Incidentally, my Mother, who is an "average size" woman, went from a 36 B to a 34 D during her bra conversion. Now instead of looking flat, she looks (and feels) like she has cleavage again (gravity has long taken effect on her body). Just goes to show us how wrong all of us are about our size!

PeaceBang - thanks for the post - I've been waiting to share my conversion experience! I love your blog! Keep it up!

10:38 AM  
Blogger PeaceBang said...

For more on breast management, see my previous post on the subject at

http://beautytipsforministers.blogspot.com/2006/04/girls-need-your-attention-too.html

Let's hear it for bra conversions!

12:05 PM  
Blogger LisaBe said...

yes. one MUST get a professional fitting at a good department store or lingerie specialty shop at least after any weight change or every few years, if not annually. it's astonishing the difference that it makes. i used to think i was a 36b, but i'm really a 34c. who knew? (apparently not me.)
for lower foundations, when needed, i wear the body wrap seamless high waist long leg: http://www.seamlessbody.com/highwaist/index.html
it's truly a miracle invention. i wore it under a mermaid-style wedding dress and there was nary a line to behold from hollow to hem. and it was totally comfortable all afternoon and evening.

5:48 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

Nothing sadder than a well endowed woman in a poorly fitting bra, sometimes looking as if she has four breasts rather than two. . .

I just came from the Mecca of bras-that-fit - Nordstroms - where I got a Chantelle plunge bra actually in my size (38DDD) to go under the TWO beautiful dresses I found at Ann Taylor LOFT that ACTUALLY FIT AND LOOK FLATTERING and weren't a million dollars.

It was a very good day at the temple of consumerism. Which makes up for the several AWFUL ones in the last two months, when looking for clothes I feel nice in that fit.

12:44 AM  

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