Sunday, July 02, 2006

PeaceBang Is Watching You, Flip-Floppers!

PeaceBang is gasping! One of you li'l scalliwags has skipped over to another blogger's site and rebelled against my NO FLIP-FLOPS decree!!

I am just MOMENTS from throwing a "Mommie Dearest" fit! "ELIZABEEEEEETHHHHHHHHH!!!! NO MORE FLIP-FLOPS!!! EVER!!"

My analogy about jeans, which wasn't well-made on Froggie's Blog, was that for an entire generation of church-goers, jeans are DUNGAREES. They are for working in the garden, not for wearing to church.

Flip-flops are flip-flops. You can put them on a 3" wedge, dress them up with glitter and leather straps and add bells and golden monkey charms to them, but they're flip-flops. They display the foot in an immodest way. They are beachy. If they are flat, they are most unflattering to the ankle and the calf, and NO ONE CAN WALK ELEGANTLY IN THEM. That in itself is the worst of the worst, and reason enough for you to avoid them in church.

I have a lot of damn hip, creative, progressive nonagenarians in my congregation. They are with it, funny, and very supportive of change and innovation. One of the women ran a shipyard back in the 1940's, during the war. She is one tough, tiny bird. Until she and her descendants are gone to the Eternal, I shan't disgrace her memory by wearing DUNGAREES or FLIP-FLOPS to church. That's just how I feel about it.

For the record, I own five pairs of thong sandals and wear them constantly. Just not to church. To the MALL. Or to the BEACH. Or to the BACKYARD. Or out for ICE CREAM. See how many fun places you can wear your flip-flops? And your DUNGAREES?

I'm not a fan of the mule-style sandals either. You know why? Very few of us have the daintiness factor to walk well in them, either. Who wants to walk around with a cartoon bubble next to you going, *flap, flap, flap* or *clop, clop, clop* or *thwack, thwack, thwack* ??

We are not circus ponies. Nor are we members of a harem, with bejeweled little slippers that display the delicacy of our tiny toes and which inhibit us from running too fast. If I see you in those bling-encrusted flip-flops I'm going to pour ketchup on them and then run real fast away. And you won't be able to catch me, because nyah, nyah, I'm the Gingerbread Man.


Anonymous Clyde Grubbs said...

Oh lordie, lordie...

goona tell my Texas cousins that some Yankee minister thinks Jeans was made for working in the garden.

No Texan would wear them to church cause they were made for working with the doogies.

9:47 PM  
Blogger PeaceBang said...

Is a DOOGIE a COW??? I hope so!!

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Clyde Grubbs said...

get along little doogie....bovines in general....beef, its what's for dinner....

could be them sheep fellows also had some levies

my family were cotton people, so they wore a less fashionable more utilitarian denim called dungeries...the jeans were definately for being on a horse for a long while.

10:31 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Oooo, I was afraid that would happen. I should have known that Peacebang keeps excellent tabs on the fashion world of UU ministers (and intern ministers). Its just that I have these nice little white sandles with no back (um, flip flops) that look so unbeach like and they go with my long white skirt and pink shirt........ And I think the ones with the jewels and the fake leather at Target really don't look so bad and don't make a floping noise. Perhaps I am a hopeless case.... :)

10:12 AM  
Blogger LaReinaCobre said...

Okay, I'm glad I understand now that you are saying no thongs/flip flops at church and not no thong sandals ever.

11:08 AM  
Blogger ProtectedPeace said...

Peacebang, if people didn't wear flip-flops to church, then what dear girl would we have to talk about!?? For the record, I happen to think Elizabeth looks wonderful in her long white skirt and white sandals aka flip-flops. Have you seen her in them? Exception to your rule. blessings abound,

5:07 PM  
Blogger PeaceBang said...

Protected Peace, this isn't about what you or I think looks fabulous. It's about propriety. I look great in my 3" thong sandals, too, and recognize that they're not appropriate for church. Period. Not for ministers.

If you don't get that this is a generational issue and one of respect and propriety, I can't persuade you. But I'm sure as hell gonna try.

11:31 PM  

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