Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The Perils Of Bangs

Let us study the absolutely striking and gorgeous Anjelica Huston:

anjelica 2

Sweet pigeons, I know she's a movie star and you're not. I know she probably has a private facialist and a private high colonicist and a private masseur and that she probably sleeps in a special hyperbaulic oxygenated chamber on satin sheets, and you're lucky if you squeeze in six hours of sleep a night.*

However, let's learn a few things from the elegant Ms. Huston. First, she's radiantly confident in her own skin, and at her own age. She's not trying to be an incarnation of the Goddess by draping herself in sparkly shawls and batik skirts and flowy hempen blouses that threaten to lift her off the ground in a stiff wind, she's incarnating the Goddess by being a striking woman. Period. It can be done in an understated, classic way. Simple lines. Elegant garments. In her case, signature raven hair and bold lipstick. Perfect skin. A dead-on sense of humor and sexy wisdom. Posture.

We love Anjelica. We really downright worship her.
If we weren't 5'3" with the shape of the Venus of Willendorf, http://static.flickr.com/79/247923276_9c55dbab03_o.jpg, we would dress just like her, dye our hair raven brown, and slather our mouths with Paloma Picasso red lipstick.

However, I trust that Ms. Huston will not be offended if I point out just how difficult it is to make heavy bangs work for you when you're not absolutely glowing and elegant and generally at your gorgeous best, and when you're over 50:

anjelica huston

All of which is to say, pigeons, that even Hollywood goddesses may have to re-evaluate their classic "look" and update it now and then (Babs Streisand, I'm looking at you and your Clinton-era 'do, honey). If you're wearing bangs because your Aunt Lily cut them for you when you were 11 and you've just never thought about wearing your hair any other way, it's time to take a good, hard look. They can age you terribly. They're also very much back in fashion for the younger set, so be careful you don't look like you're trying to compete with the dewy fresh young thangs.

P.S. Classic red lipstick is also back with a vengeance, and I'll be shopping for shades for you any day now. And speaking of satin sheets, which we were a few moments ago, they really do help keep your skin and hair smooth. No creases, and no snarls or bed head! You may want to invest in a satin pillowcase. Your spouse will tease you, but he or she may also prefer how you look in the morning, which PeaceBang just calls a WIN-WIN.

P.P.S. Men should not have bangs. I can't think of any man over the age of 6 who looks better with bangs.

* I think I made that up, except that it sounds like something Michael Jackson would own.

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Anonymous Sarah Dylan Breuer said...

May I emphasize something that I think was a little on the subtle side in your post -- that it is heavy bangs that are so vexing? My impression is that a touch of LIGHT bangs is very fashionable indeed at the moment. At least, I hope so -- after years of getting my hair cut based on the expressed preferences of various people in the ordination process and away from a salon I really loved, I moved to a city where I had a plethora of great salons to choose from, and I'm very well pleased with my new 'do, which includes, for the first time in about ten years, and at my stylist's suggestion, said light bangs. When I have a moment, I'm meaning to put an updated photo on my blog, so I suppose the (un)fashionable truth will out soon!

12:06 AM  
Anonymous Sarah Dylan Breuer said...

P.S. -- I'm struck with the touch of irony that PeaceBang opposes bangs. But I'm sure you mean bangs that are ill-chosen for a given face, or poorly done.

12:11 AM  
Blogger Psalmist said...

May I weigh in with a lipstick suggestion? I have extremely pale skin that tends to blush (pinker than pink) easily, and naturally dark ash blond hair that has a substantial amount of white mixed in (I don't color it, so it's getting lighter every year). I look like death in warm colors, but cherry red and berry shades make me look like I'm Morticia Addams. I've found something that looks marvelously (yet tastefully) red on me: Revlon Superlustrous "Love That Pink." Strange name; it even looks like a light red in the tube. Anyway, a "summer" or "winter" who has trouble wearing the darker cool shades might find this just the thing.

Amen about the irony of PeaceBang not liking bangs! Too funny!

12:25 AM  
Blogger Pastor Peters said...

What about hats? I thought of you today when the Daily Show's moment of zen featured the pope in his.. er, hat. What do you think?

It perplexes me so that I even featured it in my own blog:

12:32 AM  
Blogger PeaceBang said...

To clarify: heavy bangs are very hard to pull off unless you have just the right shaped face and are otherwise a pretty elegant dame (unless you want to look like Swiss Miss). A light bang, especially side-swept, is so ubiquitous and flattering it's hardly worth commenting on.

Also, the post was about the necessity of re-evaluating our look now and then.

PeaceBANG is not about Bangs, my darling dears! It's about BANG! As in "BANG!" If you see my point.

PeaceBang herself has long bangs that she wears mostly to the side.

9:44 AM  

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