Ho Ho Ho, I Swear!!

holiday top
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Fasten your seatbelts, everyone -- 'cause ready or not, we're skidding into the holidays!

Let PeaceBang help you avoid some common holiday season pitfalls.

The holidays are about thanking God for abundance, for celebrating the birth of Christ, the return of the Sun, the light that would not go out, the affirmation of community values, and... did I forget one?
Oh yes, the permission to drink champagne and make-out with a good looking stranger at midnight. Praise the Lord!!

Seriously, though, this is one time of year that we must really stand apart and model a more sane, sober presence, health, groundedness, peacefulness and good will. Lots of folks are going to get terribly depressed trying to meet all the expectations of the holidays: how are they going to feel coming to you if you're wearing a huge blinking Santa tie and plush reindeer ears in a show of seasonal jollity? The answer is, they're probably not. Who wants to sit in a chair and confide their spiritual pain to someone with huge Christmas tree decorations dangling from her earlobes?

We're talked about the horrible cutesie holiday-themed wear you shouldn't get anywhere near. Let's talk about other holiday pitfalls, fashion and other-wise:

(1) Dress like you always do, only better.

Just because it's the holidays doesn't mean you can appear at parties sporting monster cleavage or super-vampy footwear. PeaceBang is all in favor of cleavage and vampy footwear, but not at congregational gatherings. Stick to beautiful, tailored items: a velvet blazer with a nice pair of trousers or a skirt for Rev. Suzy, a lovely red sweater and tie for Pastor Biff. Winter white can be beautiful and suggest purity at a very cluttered time of year: check it out.

Ladies, no glittery hose or really short skirts. Think understated elegance. On the other hand, do spruce up. That shapeless, long, tan corduroy skirt is not party wear, not even with a snowman sweater (which you should give away immediately).

Men, unless you're tending the bar at a party or passing out appetizers, there should be nothing like this:

(2) They're At a Party, You're Making a Pastoral Call

Women, your best bet for the holidays may be simply to add a beautiful, snazzy shell under your favorite dark suit. Throw on a huge decorative pin, a pair of heels, a nice bright lipstick (nothing pink or coral) and you're good to go. You can wear it all season to everything: people understand that you're in constant attendance at events throughout the holidays. Don't feel you have to have a new dress for each occasion. A suit says much better than a dress, "I'm here at this party but this is still a professional appearance for me, so don't keep refilling my glass."

(3) Don't Skid Out

Speaking of which, drunkeness is ugly, sweet pertaters. Don't use the holidays as permission to get drunk (or even dangerously tipsy) with any church-related persons. Stick with the unspiked eggnog and prepare to smile tolerantly at the humiliating antics that may be going on around you. You're lucky to have been invited. Be gracious, keep conversations short (you surely don't want to collect boozy confessions, do you?), and leave as early as you can get away with. Then go drink spiked eggnog with your personal friends. All you want. Just make they're prepared to have you spend the night.

(4) Keep Your Diet To Yourself

Think twice before telling people that you do not want sweet treats as a gift. Remember what Jesus said about parading your virtue around in public. PeaceBang once asked her congregation not to contribute to the amplification of her waistline around the holidays, but they just kept doing it. What PeaceBang learned is that people love to give yummy gifts, and the only gracious response is to thank them for it, and either eat it or share it. That plate of cookies can go right over to your spiritual director's office with a fresh bow on it, and that's what I call a win-win situation!

(5) Stick With Your Best Basics, And Visit Your Dry Cleaner Often

You're going to be on the run from just about now through January. Get everything cleaned and pressed and organize your closet today, before it all really hits. Line up your snow boots, shine up a pair of nice shoes and take them to the office so you don't have to preach in duck boots, and stock up on clean hankies. You do not want to be sewing buttons on the morning of Christmas Eve services -- do it all now. Check your socks and pantyhose supply, and make sure the lint roller is handy. Put a roll of breath mints in your bag, your car and your desk, and take your vestments to the cleaners.

This is not the season to agonize about accessories. You don't have time. Try on a few outfits, make sure they fit and are presentable, and rotate them.