Thursday, April 05, 2007

Olive You So Much

Olive You So Much
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Here's the thing, bun-buns:
wearing all one color is kind of geriatric.

I know that these crinkly rayon outfits are super comfy and convenient, kind of like the grown-up lady version of Garanimals ("I don't have to think about matching! They did it for me!"), but unless you're gorgeously made up with great hair, nails and accessories (or you're a model like this gal here), there's a VERY good chance that this outfit is going to look old-ladyish, and not like a cool elder babe in the ministry, but just ... old-ladyish. PeaceBang doesn't know about you, but she'll get all eccentric and wear a turban and a feather boa in her later years, God as her witness, before she'll let herself get old-ladyish.

It's lovely to dress head-to-toe in one lovely, elegant color scheme. All shades of ivory and white, mixing textures and tones: great. Charcoal gray with dove gray, moving the eye up and down the body in one beautiful line: wunderbar. But the color has to be right. The fabrics have to be rich and sumptuous, not crinkly and comfy. The shoes should be dressed up, bag and scarf and earrings also as elegant as you can make 'em. It's a suave look if you can pull it off.

HOWEVAH: Head to toe pastels are simply never going to be the best option for professional women. Simplamente diga que NO (Just Say NO!") to too much pastels. Try to avoid head-to- toe pink, or powder blue or most greens or yellows. Break up that 25 year-old royal blue suit you've got and don't ever, ever wear the jacket and the pants together. Better yet, give it away. Many of the clothes we bought in the 80's are horribly dated, my friends. If you can't see it, ask a savvy colleague or friend for their honest opinion. Dead giveaways for 80's suits are pleated pants and pegged legs. Ack!

If you're intent on wearing that matching tulip pink top and skirt together, break it up with a black jacket and black pumps if you've got important meetings. Better yet, save the duo for vacation and pair the skirt with a crisp white blouse and neutral blazer for work. Wear the top with dark denim jeans, a cardigan and a great, long set of beads. Something.

Get used to thinking about your wardrobe in separates, which are just much sharper looking than the matchy-matchy cotton outfits we love to pluck off the rack because they're so easy. Have you ever noticed that those comfy cotton outfits are always enormously unflattering? That's because they're extremely unstructured and make everyone look like a big flowy blob. It's not just you, honey. They don't really fit anyone. Ditch them for a week and see how you do with fitted trousers, skirts and blouses. Add a belt. Wear clothing that actually zips. You'll walk straighter, sit up in your chair with more poise and walk with more confidence. If you're over 65, ignore me. You've earned your right to those comfy cotton items.

But I digress. Those of us under 65 should realize that wearing head-to-toe colors that aren't neutral age us like crazy. Our better bet, as I've said before, is to dress in the best quality neutral fabrics we can find (whites and ivories, browns, grays, blues, blacks), and use bold or pastel colors as accents.

We're talking about solids here. We'll get to patterns later. After Easter. I just had a bad flashback to the time a UU woman wore a very loud-patterned kind of beach sarong item while leading worship. I think she thought it was flowy and spiritual looking, but my companion and I sort of thought she might pronounce the benediction and start blending up a pitcher of margaritas. Which wouldn't be a bad thing, necessarily, just not terribly appropriate.

Pass the jellybeans, I've got to get back to my sermon.

Kiss of peace!

xoxo PB



Blogger Jennifer said...

I love your fashion sense. I am extremely short (5 feet), so I’m an all-solid kinda girl. Patterns do not work on me for the most part. I also have a very unusual addiction to vintage fashion, and I don’t mean 80’s pegged legs. I love, love, love 1950s clothing, which you may be surprised to learn, is NOT all about poodle skirts and crinolines. Think Audrey Hepburn and Jackie O. Timeless class, if you ask me. That's daytime. Nighttime is all about the pin-up rockabilly thang, which wouldn't really work for a woman of the cloth. But would be highly entertaining!

9:32 AM  
Blogger Layla (aka Barbara) said...

This is so FUNNY and HELPFUL! I totally agree about the turban and feather boa!!! I hope I never look my age, act my age or dress my age!

9:01 PM  
Blogger Sally Big Woods said...

Amen, Sister!

11:18 AM  

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