PeaceBang's Imaginary Talk With Morgan Fairchild

Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Morgan: Hello?
PeaceBang: Hi, Miss Fairchild ? This is PeaceBang. I'm a blogger whose life mission it is to defrumpify the American clergy.
Morgan: Mmm hmm?
PeaceBang: Let me first say, Miss Fairchild, that I have had a girl crush on you since I was a teenaged babysitter and you were the prettiest woman on "Fantasy Island" or "Love Boat" and you had a nose just like a Barbie Doll and amazing big blonde hair and a kind of funny, self-mocking way about you that I've always adored. Let me just say that first.

Morgan: Isn't that nice. Did you call for an autographed photo of me? I have some left over from the "Old Navy" ad campaign I did a few years ago where I was *particularly* self-mocking...
PeaceBang: No. No, thank you, Miss Fairchild. Actually, I was calling to ask you to never wear that sweatshirt again, and especially with a turtleneck. I mean, you can wear it to bed if you want, but it would really help my cause if you never wore it again, and especially not in public. You see, Miss Fairchild, it's getting close to Halloween, and your punkish skeleton sweatshirt with the matronly turtleneck is just the kind of thing that ministers wear near various holidays to try to be cute and seasonal, but it actually just makes them look really dumpy and corny, and then it's just one step more to long, body-obliterating denim skirts to go with the holiday-themed sweatshirt, and then ... well, it's just Frump City. And I think I said earlier, God has called me to fight the Frump.

Morgan Fairchild: I see. I'll certainly consider it. From a religious standpoint, I mean. I still like the sweatshirt, and I'm wearing the turtleneck because my neck is covered with hickeys.

PeaceBang: And that's why I love you, Miss Fairchild.

[Thanks to the Go Fug Yourself gals for the photo.]