Monday, October 23, 2006

Cheap Knock-Offs

PeaceBang is always on the prowl to look for the latest style trends that might just be possible for a clergyperson to adapt for their own use. She believes that while we shan't be slaves to fashion, it's important not to look like we just stepped out of a Time Machine set to 1991.

There are three trends happening right now that cause PeaceBang some concern, and for this specific reason: while some trends look glamorous and fantabulous in expensive form, they translate as horrid and tacky by the time they get to us working clergypersons in the form known as "affordable retail."

Three cases in point: the color gold, the military look, and the animal-print trend.

Let's take them one at a time.

1. The color gold is just gorgeous when it appears in, say, a drapey, Grecian goddess dress by Galliano worn on the red carpet by Keira Knightly (who seriously needs to eat a cheeseburger). The color gold looks smashing on toffee-skinned Hollywood beauties who have professional make-up stylists to create just the right smoky, bronzey eyeshadow and blush for them so that they're not washed out by the color.

By the time gold garments get to you and me, it's cheap, thready stuff that has far more yellow in it than deep, rich metallic depth. Wearing gold retail is just like sending out an invitation that says, "Welcome to My Sallow Skin!"
If you can afford Chanel gold, by all means rock it. If not, DO NOT TRUST THE GOLD. Leave it for the perma-tan starlets. Even if you have chocolatey or caffe latte skin, gold fabrics at the retail level have a well-earned rep for looking cheap. Be careful, be choosy!

2. Military fashion is very big right now: big brass buttons on everything, epaulettes on the shoulder (and I refuse to look up the spelling of that word -- I'm a minister, not a general), short, structured jackets ("Doctor, I've been having terrible flashbacks to the "Thriller" era! Is there something I could be taking?"), combat boots.

Not only is this look super tackeroo by the time it makes it to the retail racks, what is a messenger of God's peace doing in a military jacket? Again, be careful what you're projecting in your attire, darlings! A little sailor pea coat is one thing. A full length front-button, high-collared trench that makes you look like you're on your way out to inspect the troops ain't no way for a peace-monger to look. Avoid the military trend.

3. Animal prints are luxe and fun when they're done well. And I said animal PRINTS, not actual animal FUR (unless it's lying in bed with your cat wrapped around your neck).
Animal prints on the level of a Macy's or a Target MIGHT be fun and kicky, but you have to be judicious. A touch at the neck or cuffs can be lovely. A wonderful animal print blouse peeking out from under a suit jacket is a bold, fashionable statement but not if the blouse is garish and the print competes with unpolished, untouched hair and face. If you're doing animal print, at LEAST wear lipstick so we don't lose your features in all the zebra or tiger stripes.



Blogger LaReinaCobre said...

I hate brass on clothing.

2:08 PM  
Blogger Quotidian Grace said...

IMHO animal prints should be confined to fun accessories like scarves, shoes, and handbags. Stretch leopard print capris ought to be embargoed at the port.

9:34 AM  

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