Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Winter And Hat Head

Blow, winter winds, blow! I will flee into my warm parsonage at the end of the day and bundle myself into my bed made with flannel sheets and a 100% organic cotton duvet and hide from you! I will slather myself in Sephora body butter and run my humidifier all night long and I will defy you! Defy you, I say! I will not have a bloody nose in the morning! My heels and cuticles will not crack and bleed! God as my witness!

Now listen, all you readers in warm climes: this post is not for you. You can just go off in your shorts and tank tops and flip flops and have a mojito while the rest of us discuss the absolute havoc the cold is wreaking on our looks. Scamper off, now. Go paint your toenails bright Floridian pink or something. We are very blotchy this time of year and it makes us cranky.

The rest of you: are you enduring this? Remember, it's early yet. Think of the Donner party. This is no time to get lost and lose faith, hope and vision. We must keep moisturizing, and drink plenty of fluids. We cannot resort to panic, and cannibalism. Cannibalism is March. We're just starting February.
Being that it is almost February 1st, though, means that it's time to broach one of the more serious wintertime beauty issues:

Hat Head.

I know, you started the winter with a cute new hairdo and you had every intention of keeping up with the cut and color and styling. But that was back in November, when the days were crisp but not frigid, and the big religious holidays far enough in the distance that you had the time and energy for primping and products. These days you wake up, you drag yourself out of the warm bed, you inject coffee directly into your veins, you throw something fleece over your extremities, and you slog over to church. PeaceBang understands. She would hand you all a big steaming mug of Ovaltine at the church door if she could, and then she'd march you right back home to do something about that hair.

Since she can't march you home, she'll do the next best thing and give you some tips for getting through Hat Head Season:

1. Don't overwash your hair. Unless it's super oily, leave it be a few days between shampoos, and brush it to distribute oil to the dry ends. If you want to soak it in the shower to facilitate styling, you might put a bit of conditioner just on the ends. Conditioning just the ends is a good idea in general. Deep condition weekly as needed, especially if you have dry,kinky-curly or processed hair.

2. Get your hair out of your face. It's winter, there's no humidity, and your hair is hanging in your eyes. Put it up in a cute, bright scarf or barrette. Put it back in a neat ponytail. Change the part. Trim the bangs. Get it OUT of your face. Don't think that PeaceBang can't see you in that pulpit, sitting there with your big hank of hair swinging into your eyes. PeaceBang sees. PeaceBang knows. She is looking at you with stern disapproval this very moment. Let us see that beautiful face.

3. When you come indoors from wearing a hat, take a moment to smooth down your hair. Moisturize your hands with a good emollient moisturizer and run your hands quickly through your hair to distribute a bit of the lotion there. Yes, Virginia, hand lotion makes a perfectly fine impromptu pomade.

4. Spray the inside of your hats with a bit of hair spray so that you won't get frizzy flyaways.

5. If you have long hair, consider investing in an ionic hair dryer that leaves hair cuticles smoother. Friends of PB say they work like a charm.

6. Guys, bed head and hat head make for a mighty sad combo on a professional man of God. Check for big cowlicks before you leave the house and make an effort to have your hair in place before you clamp that Peruvian knit cap on your noggin.
What are you doing wearing a Peruvian knit cap, anyway? You're not in college anymore. Find some head gear that won't lead people in town to direct you to the nearest youth hostel. I know it's hard. Maybe some of you nattier gents would consider making recommendations in the comments?

Above all, my brave wintertime pastors, take care of yourselves. Wash hands frequently, do take care to moisturize so that cuts and cracks don't make you more susceptible to disease, and keep plenty of gas in the car. Some kitty litter in the trunk for traction if you get stuck isn't a bad idea, either, and a good emergency kit and some flares. Keep your cell phone charged, and if you're serving more than one congregation, leave plenty of time for travel between them so you're not speeding on icy roads. Try not to travel after dark, and never hesitate to accept home hospitality from parishioners if conditions warrant it. You are a precious and irreplaceable commodity; always err on the side of prudence and safety.




Blogger Berrysmom said...

About those cracked heels: I was given a tube of Burt's Bees Coconut Foot Creme in my Christmas stocking, and it is GREAT! It has the consistency of bag balm (that is, really thick and gukky) but it smells divine. I rub it into my heels before bed, then put on cotton socks and sleep like a baby. It took a few days to work, but now my heels are not at all cracked, and I will be starting sandal season at an advantage this year. Bonus: my whole bed smells divine.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Lorna said...

love the end of this post. Rev Gals everywhere need the affirmation :)

4:13 PM  

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