Darling and faithful ones!
I attended an EVENT yesterday at Andover-Newton Theological School, and was very happy to see that some religious people understand what it means to dress for an Event.
How can you tell when something is an Event, and not merely, say, A Meeting, a Gathering, or a Shindig?
Here's one easy hint: if there is a keynote speaker who is the president of an entire denomination and you had to R.S.V.P. for dinner, it's an EVENT. If there are two speakers who are presidents of entire denominations, did you even have to ask if this is an EVENT? Seminarians, if there are people in attendance who might have the slightest influence on your ability to get a job in ministry, consider it an EVENT even if it just feels like a confab.
An EVENT requires structured clothing.
This means that there should be no sweatshirts, no polar fleeces, no elastic waistbands in the pants, no all-cotton ensembles
suitable for the gym. This is not a weekend spiritual retreat, you will not be walking the labyrinth later.
I SAW ONE WOMAN WEARING A NICE OUTFIT AND WHITE GYM NIKES.
This is so wrong. Even if you have weak ankles, you can buy black sneakers or some other foot-friendly shoes. PeaceBang just about had to be held back from ripping those glaring white gym shoes off those pantyhosed feet.
NEVER EVER EVER EVER WEAR SNEAKERS WITH PANTYHOSE!!
You know, I don't think I was able to feel until just now how upsetting that vision was. Thank you for being there so I could fully experience the pain.
Ladies, please do check for cleavage issues when you're dressing up. One earnest person of the larger-breasted species was wearing an outfit that clearly had a lot of effort behind it but when she sat down, one could see her entire mammary situation. This is not good; especially not when paired with a skirt that's just a bit too short. The moral of this story is, sit down and lean forward in the mirror before you leave the house. PeaceBang, who is of abundant bazoomage herself, has many a time learned too late that the shirt that worked so appropriately while standing up becomes a festival of inappropriate sharing when seated. Take care, lovelies. This can be a problem for smaller-chested gals, too. Take the time to check it out.
If you're confused about how to dress for an Event, a few guidelines:
1. Men and male-identified: nice pants of whatever level dressiness you like and a sports coat. The tie is up to you. If you want to look like a contender, a tie is a necessity. Look around you: are the speakers wearing ties? Would you like to be invited to be a speaker someday? If the answer is yes, put the noose on, baby. If you're sitting in the back row and are just there for fun and you're settled with a good job and you're known to be an affable, cool dude, wear whatever you bloody please. People will be glad to see you. If you're a new papa, you can even wear spittle-encrusted garments. It will just look charming.
2. Ladies and female-identified: The creative options are endless! Nubby sweaters and longish skirts, nice trousers and blouses, skirt and blazer. A bit of make-up and put-together hair. PeaceBang saw so many wild split ends last night she's going to have to post separately on that issue. Some jewelry that wasn't made by your kindergartner (that's fine for everyday, but not for an evening EVENT). Spruce up. Make an impression.
Labels: Attire, Fighting Frump