Saturday, April 14, 2007

Techno Wonkiness Continues

Beloveds, my computer and its crazy little cookies and passwords and things are still mixed up, and this interferes with my ability to read and post to the blog and to my peacebang e-mail.

So far so good, but I had some e-mails from earlier this week that I hadn't seen and wanted to let you know what was going on.

The Footwear Anti-Christ Has Possessed My Soul

You can all light a candle and say a prayer for PeaceBang, who is sitting at her desk wearing a pair of GREEN CROCS.

I can hear you gasping across two continents and eight nations (Great Britain, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Spain, New Zealand, the United States and Canada).

I know. I know. But they were on sale for $4.99 at the Christmas Tree Shop and I needed them for gardening and then I put them on because my feet hurt and lo and behold, I am wearing Crocs. I, the Anti-Croc Crusader. I, the Official Hater and Despiser of Crocs.

People, I am humbled.

But my feet feel great.

And Get Me a Pair While You're At It!!

Thanks to m'dear Philocrites for sending this along...


"Women do spend $1,069--$246 more than men do--on clothing every year, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics 2004-2005 Consumer Expenditure Survey.
But that's chump change compared with what single men spend on car ownership ($846 more than single women), eating out ($752 more), alcoholic drinks ($280 more) and audiovisual gear ($143 more).
Cutting back on needless spending isn't a bad idea for anyone, but 'renegotiating your credit-card balances or getting a lower cost on your IRA probably saves you a lot more money,' says Christian Weller, an economist at the Center for American Progress. 'That's much more prudent advice to women than saying 'Don't go buying all those Prada shoes.'"

You have PeaceBang's full permission to join her in lusting after these Prada beauties. Because despite Jesus' admonition, darlings, lusting is FREE.

Friday, April 13, 2007

More On Capris, Eyebrows and My Identity

You are delightful, readers o' mine.

I awoke this morn quite the Miss Crankypants but as soon as I read your comments on my last post, I cheered right up.

First, the matter of the capri-length pants.

Some more thoughts.
1. Shorter-length pants are sporty. Period. The only gals who can get away with dressing them up are 21-year old Hollywood types who might pair them with gold strappy sandals and a lap dog and therefore make them "dressy" by Los Angeles-area standards. To pull this off, you need a perma-tan, a sports car, a $3,000 little purse and long blonde hair. Do not try this at home.

For most of us, capri-length pants (and Lord have mercy, let's not get shorter than calf-length for ministry work!) are much too youthful and casual for Being Taken Seriously In. They look clean and polished on slim women of average height but for taller women, they look silly, and for short women, they make us look shorter. For heavy women, they're singularly inelegant.

You may love capris with sneakers, my doves, but they do not necessarily love you back. Unless you're on a picnic with congregants, PeaceBang sternly admonishes you to put down the sneakers and leave them for days off.

You may be seeing "shorts suits" in the fashion magazines, but that's a whole different animal. Suits with dressy shorts are an option being marketed to fashionable professional gals, but PeaceBang thinks that not only are they aesthetically hideous, they're fairly impossible for all but the most sartorially talented to pull off well, or at all.

Scott, you didn't appreciate the fact that the "before" picture of Eyebrow Boy made him look like an ax murderer? Where's your appreciation for the finer manipulative points of advertising?! How else should he look but hangdog, shadowy and ominous?
:::chortle, chortle:::

Ms. Dom from Seattle, I am indeed a real life minister. When I'm not channeling my irrepresible alter ego, PeaceBang, I'm serving this lovely congregation: and you're most welcome to acquaint yourself with the deep work of my heart on the sermons link. Not that blogging isn't also the deep work of my heart, but in a different way.

And hey everyone, YogaToes really do work! I've been using them for about a week now, for about an hour at a time, and my toe is in much better shape, and no foot pain!!
blogger probs, blogger probs... testing, testing..

Thursday, April 12, 2007

What To Wear With Shorter Pants

A loyal reader inquires as to what kind of shoesies we should wear with the shorter pants that are popular in the spring and summer.

A nice sandal with pedicured toes and SOFT, CLEAN HEELS would be nice. On your feet, I mean, not just the shoe. It's only April and we're already getting into some dire Sandal Situations, about which more later.

A dressy flat is also nice.

If you're just around the office, a chunky casual sandal is fine, but pair it with a more polished top than just a tee-shirt. It's obviously a very "casual Friday" kind of look, and not something you would ever wear on a Sunday or to an evening church event.

PeaceBang is not a big fan of the shorter pant, as it is a distinctly unflattering style -- no one needs to be cut off at the calf like that -- but she understands that some of you manage to look quite cute in your little cotton pants and will persist, therefore, in wearing them. Some of us will not look cute in them, but will wear them anyway because they're comfortable, and PeaceBang herself is among this group. Especially in the hot summer which MAY COME SOMEDAY BUT YOU'D NEVER KNOW IT SINCE IT'S STILL FREEZING RAIN OUT!

What not to wear with the shorter capri-type pants are :
sneakers of any kind
flip-flops of any kind
heavy pumps
boots, unless you're Sienna Miller

Please, please, please do not wear capris in bright colors or in frog or palm tree prints. PeaceBang's heart couldn't take it.

Cro Magnon No More!

Cro Magnon
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.
Ah-HA! I have figured out a crafty way around Blogger problems! I will post directly through Flickr and be foiled no more!

Anyway, look how nice this man looks after having his brows waxed. No more scowly, Cro-Magnony face! Think how this could open your face in the pulpit, fellas!

I'm sure it's easy as pie to find a waxing product for gents in your local pharmacy or to walk into any salon and have it done. Tell them you don't want the ends too pointy 'cause you're not Jake Gyllenhaal and you don't need to be quite *that* groomed. It will cost you $15 and take about five minutes.

As for the male reader who wrote me recently to express his horror that I would recommend maintaining a smooth-shaven face when it costs him a tremendous sacrifice of ease and comfort to do so, I would like to say-- Darling, Easter is over. Get off the Cross. And besides, your female colleagues who daily strap themselves into brassieres, panty hose and other constraining undergarments in the effort to look polished and presentable have already cornered the market on martyrdom. So step off, brother preacher man, or I'll make you spend one whole Sunday in my heels and you'll never complain about shaving again.

He Waxes His Own Brows

Lovely ones,

PeaceBang is having such a FUN week in the financial sense. Just one day after writing nice juicy checks to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and the Internal Revenue Service, PeaceBang learned that her car needs front and back brake pads and rotors and an alignment, all to the dissonant tune of $950. Ack. Blag.
Also, it happens to be about 36 degrees and sleeting right now.
AND the Sox lost last night, and I couldn't even hate the Mariners because they actually played an awesome defense, and their pitcher ruled.

While PeaceBang is tempted to impale herself on a sharp piece of dark chocolate left over from an enormous Easter egg given her by dear congregants, she will manage to find the Strength To Go On. Because, really, there was a bright spot in her morning. It happened when she noticed that her mechanic, a young man who has a terrific goatee and crazy hair, has particularly beautiful eyebrows. So beautiful, in fact, that PeaceBang had to ask it. "Do you wax your eyebrows?" she inquired, teasingly. Our modest mechanic blushed in a manly way and declined to answer. And at that moment, PeaceBang knew that he was busted. "They're FABULOUS," she gushed, and then,"Who does them for you?"

"I do them myself," he gruffly offered, and then said, "Man, I'm outta here," barely managing to hide his smile as he stomped back to the garage. Meredith, the lovely receptionist, and I giggled madly.

So there you have it, gentlemen. If my mechanic can wax his eyebrows, so can you. I'll ask him what he uses when I go pick up my car later today.


Darlings, Having Techno Difficulties

Just to say that I'm having access issues to Blogger from my home computer. Hope to have it fixed soon.


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Baron De Dandruff

Originally uploaded by Peacebang.
Good morning, my little yellow sugar chicks! How was your Easter?
PeaceBang's was lovely, thank you, and she feels eminently grateful that following the big day, she was able to take an actual, whole Day Off during which she slept, ate leftover chocolate torte, and read most of Jeffrey Eugenides' marvelous novel, Middlesex. I feel like a new woman! A new woman with the same body, mind, soul, personality, life situation, tax return, bitten down fingernails, family and friends, but still... relatively new. New in the spiritual sense.

Just a word about dandruff, named for the Baron De Dandruff, who was so beloved in the court of King Gustav of Sweden that all the lords and ladies could be found frantically working cheese graters over their scalps before important events in a mad effort to emulate the Baron's flaky look. In that time --and this was roughly between the time of the Vikings and the Renaissance, you understand -- you just weren't DRESSED if you didn't have big white flakes adorning your shoulders. Men and women took to wearing black shawls just to highlight their Dandruff. It was all the rage until it was revealed that the Baron de Dandruff had committed unnatural acts with lap dogs, at which time the tide of fashion and society turned against him with a vengeance.

Which is all to saythat dandruff is never a good look and if you suspect you have it, please investigate solutions. You may be turned out in your very finest, prepared to speak in the voice of Wisdom herself, and charming in every meaningful sense of the word. But if your shoulders and back are sprinkled with little bits of your scalp, my dears, the general public will generally greet you not with the admiration you deserve but with the ancient, evocative expression, known in many cultures, that sounds something like this: "eeeeeewwwww."