On Being Tired And Resurrection: The Show Must Go On

Dearest and cherished readers,

It is rainy and cold again today, and promises to remain that way through Friday.

PeaceBang's spirit is saying, "It's HOLY WEEK! It's JESUS TIME! Get up and dance, girl, proclaim the good news, live the sacred story, bring on the faith and the passion, rejoice!"

And PeaceBang's body is saying, "Do we have to get out of our pajamas? Are you sure we have to get out of our pajamas?"

So the body and the spirit are consulting with one another and making compromises. The body says, "Listen, we did great work last week even though we had a nasty stomach bug -- we showed up for people, we crafted a lovely funeral service for someone we loved and presided at it on Friday, we put pedal to the metal all day Saturday and came up with a really creative Palm Sunday service which we led on Sunday morning with a tremendous amount of energy and engagement. PLUS, we got all dressed up several times last week, with hair and make-up and everything, when we really didn't even want to get out of bed and couldn't digest anything. How 'bout some COMBAT PAY, here?"

And the spirit says, "I hear you. I totally hear you. You are terrific, you're awesome, you rock. Thank you. But really, this is HOLY WEEK and I can't give you a break quite yet. Please please PLEASE could you come through for me again? And then in late June we can just totally collapse?"

The body says, "LATE JUNE? Are you NUTS? JUNE!? Tell you what, spirit. You go find me a good Minister's Wife to take care of all the things that need doing around here, like cooking, laundry, cleaning, errands and keeping up personal relationships with family and such, and we can talk about my taking off time in JUNE."

Spirit: "I'll talk to my people and we'll see what we can do."

Can I get a witness, pastors? Did Paul not know what he was talking about when he said that the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak? It's one thing when our mood matches our physical weariness -- when we're grumpy and cranky, and the body feels like a big leaden lump we're dragging around with us.
But when our spirit is up and full of good mojo, brimming over with bright ideas and plans, and the body refuses to get with the program the spirit has laid out...?

What do you do?

PeaceBang has made a decision. Having given the body lots of rest yesterday, she is going to push it a bit today and see how it does. She is going to get to the gym and gently drag it onto the treadmill and maybe onto the elliptical cross-trainer in the hopes that some blood flowing through the veins may enliven it. She is going to wash and style her hair-- the mere notion of which seems tiring right now -- and put on some lipstick. She may even schedule a massage, and (pagan alert!) do a ritual of strengthening tonight as the full moon begins to wane.

The point is, darlings, there is a time to rest and heal, and a time to say, "Alright now, up and at 'em." There is a time to pray for strength (I did all last week and was abundantly blessed in response) and a time to take the reins ourselves and say, "I can keep slowing down until I stop, or I can kick up my engines a bit, do what I know how to do to increase my energy, and go for it."

PeaceBang comes from the theatre world where we had an old expression that says,"The show must go on." It is no different in religious leadership. Not only must we remain vigilant that the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable in God's sight, but -- and this PeaceBang's gospel -- we should even have our hair done and our lipstick on and our suits pressed and our smiles authentically in place when we appear in community to do this work.

Yes, it can be exhausting and we can become truly depleted. But darlings, trust me on this one, unless we have a medical condition that prevents us from showing up to do the work of the Lord in the most beautiful condition possible, we should try to do so. Because you know, I know, and God knows that the sense of dignity, self-esteem and other-esteem that comes from being well-turned out is a big part of how we reinvigorate the tired body at the end of winter or any time.

Let me tell you a story, powder pigeons. You may have heard this before.

When PeaceBang was 17 years old, she was the Star Of the School Play,"Bells Are Ringing." On the Tuesday before opening night, she returned home from dress rehearsal to see a lot of cars in her driveway. Full of herself and her incipient stardom, Young PeaceBang thought to herself, "Oh, everyone's coming in early to see the show!" But it was not the case. MotherBang met her at the bottom of the staircase to give her the shattering news that her father had died of a heart attack that afternoon. The cars in the driveway belonged to PeaceBang's uncles, her father's brothers.

That Friday, April 5, 1983, Young PeaceBang arose, dressed in a lovely turquoise blue dress and attended her adored father's funeral at the Unitarian Universalist Church in Westport, Connecticut. After the funeral, she had her hair done by Bobby Cuda at his salon, and at 6:30 that evening she arrived backstage to begin making up for opening night. By 8:00 p.m. she was onstage in the role of the effervescent character Ella Peterson, and took her bows at 10:30 p.m.

Of course I could have chosen not to appear in the show. Everyone would have understood: the cast, the crew, the orchestra, the proud parents and friends who were looking forward to seeing their loved ones perform in the pit or on the stage. But Young PeaceBang knew something that she believes yet today: the show must go on, because "the show" -- whatever it is, is a transcendent reality in and of itself that represents the collective vision and effort of a community, and must therefore be honored.

The Easter story could have ended like this: "And the tomb was empty, and God resurrected Jesus from the dead and he lived for many peaceful years in a cave far distant from Emmaus, meditating on the wonders of the LORD and praying for the people."

But it didn't. It ended where it began, in community, where it continues today and where it never ends.

You, my friends, have the glorious charge of bringing that story alive in the hearts and lives of your people. So buck up, shine up, wake up, step up, get backstage early enough to do your hair and make-up, learn your lines, say your prayers, warm-up with your orchestra, stretch out those dancing limbs, and give yourselves over body, mind and soul to the incarnation of this Good News. PeaceBang is telling you, wherever you are, however weary you think you are, you have it within you. Go bring it. Give the gift.



Carl Davis Weinstein
December 19, 1933- April 5, 1983
His ashes are interred beneath the pear tree in front of the New Canaan Police Station on South Ave. just outside of town on the way to Darien. There is a plaque. His obit in The New York Times claims that he has a degree from University of Connecticut and a master's from Columbia. Someone was padding his resume post-mortem, as he had neither an undergraduate nor a master's degree!! I know he took some courses at UConn, but as far as I know, he never got anywhere near Columbia. I have no idea where that came from!
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9E07E1DA1E39F93BA35757C0A965948260

Young PeaceBang pictured backstage in very scary stage hair and make-up (but those upper arms! Ah, youth and bygone slim figures!) with Christopher Jeffries as "Jeffrey Moss." Chris is a noted American composer living in Seattle. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=15922

Your Dear Hard-Working Tootsies

Good morning, angels!

I have just ordered a little item called "Yoga Toes" from an outfit called YogaPro, and wondered if any of you have personal experience with their product:

http://www.yogapro.com/ts/toestretcher.html

I got them because I realized last summer that I have the beginnings of a BUNION on my right foot (what a horrid word! which is why you must prounounce it in the French manner, like "bun-yoh") and my massage therapist Eddie says my little toesies need to be in alignment more often. I asked him What does that mean, Eddie? What are you saying? I should be wearing ...
SENSIBLE SHOES or something?"

And he said all kinds of lovely and comforting things, because he knows and accepts me and he understands that SENSIBLE SHOES are just not in the stars for me at this time in my life. But he said that this bump on my right foot is telling me that I need to pull my toes into alignment and so I went and got these Yoga Toes. I'm looking forward to trying them, and will report back to you. Hot tip: If you want to order some yourself, you can use "ALR" as a coupon code and get $15 off!

Seriously, though, a good massage therapist is one of life's most beautiful blessings. Especially ones who sometimes send you out the door all calm and put-back-together and then absolutely refuse any money at all because, impossible as it is to believe, they just care about you and want to give you back some of the healing and energy that you're putting out. Talk about angels.

Stay Hydrated!

Good Sabbath, my silver-voiced bringers of the good news!


Did you know that talking dehydrates you?
Not that you would want to be pulling over a big ole bottle of water and chugging on it during counseling sessions or preaching, but do keep some water handy so you can take a good draught afterwards. And do intentionally drink more water than you think you need to throughout the day. Experts tell us that by the time you actually feel thirsty, you're dehydrated.

PeaceBang has a little tip she would like to share with you that has helped her drink plenty of water: I fiill a big sports bottle with filtered water and throw an herbal tea bag in there, a shot of stevia for sweetening, and voila! Lightly flavored water with no calories, no chemicals and very low cost. Since it tastes so good, I drink more.

I really like Celestial Seasonings herbal tea in blueberry, strawberry and country peach. Oh, I'm sorry: Country Peach PASSION. Very sexy, that herbal tea. Catch me, I swoon!
Anyway, my very favorite herbal teas come from Canadian company La Cour Tisane and come in flavors like ginger pear, mango, starfruit and blackberry, but although I stock up every summer, I always run out mid-winter when the heat is going strong and I'm parched. If my summer plans include Montreal again, don't think that that tea isn't a big draw. I love, love, love it.

*

Plenty of H2O is a necessity, my dears. Go ye and be quenched. As much as we love coffee, it's a diuretic, not a hydrator.


(* But as for their new flavor, Acai Mango... it was so icky that I actually returned it to the store!)

This Is a Jim Dandy

For those readers joining me in the quest to reduce food intake and reduce girth, I just found this little jim dandy of a resource that's going right on the fridge:

http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/public/heart/obesity/lose_wt/fd_exch.htm

Love and health,
PeaceBang, who is packing a little lunch so she can go from a pastoral visit to a banjo lesson to the gym without becoming a ravenous wolverine and stopping at Dunkin Donuts for a huge latte and a bagel

The Time Has Come, The Walrus Said

Oh, my puff pastries. PeaceBang has just viewed some photographs from her recent trip to Guatemala, and the evidence is IN: she has gone decidedly beyond the bounds of zaftig into the territory of Just Plain Fat.

PeaceBang knew this was coming. She gleefully ate her way through Spain last January and spent last winter and spring frequenting the new barbecue joint in town and cooking up all manner of delicious delights. She ate with impunity all summer, chowing up a storm in Canada and at home, feasting and frolicking with abandon. She worked out very little this fall, and went on the Entirely Cheese and Bread Diet around Christmastime, a difficult regime immediately following the gustatory excesses of Thanksgiving. She ate fondue, she ate salmon and cream cheese bagels, and then she ate so much cheese in Guatemala that she actually swore off the stuff, all until a beautiful Vermont cheddar called her name just last week.

But all good things come to an end. PeaceBang is going to join Weight Watchers and endure the peppy cheerleadery motivational talks of the leader so that she can get weighed in (like a truck, as an old friend used to say) and pay for the privilege of being reminded that one serving of protein is the size of her hand, not her head.

Goodbye, SmartFood! Goodbye, whole containers of Pad Thai! You always were my favorite comfort food! Goodbye, 11 pm sandwiches, and buffalo wings! Hello, portion control, elliptical crosstrainer, and herbal tea. I will try to embrace you with mature forbearance and not have temper tantrums when my Wiser Self tells me that 4 sushi rolls is too much for one meal.

*sob!*

I don't suppose any of you out there are trying to reduce? Let's e-mail each other with inspiring bits!

2007 Cleansing Ritual

2007 Cleansing Ritual
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Happiest of healthy, faithful and beautiful new years to you, my darling powder pigeons!!

It being the first day of a new calendar year and all, it would be a great idea to take a long bath (not too hot or you'll wind up all dried out) in some lovely bubbles, and exfoliate all the skin you're in.

PeaceBang uses Body Shop Coconut Exfoliating Scrub and recommends it, but there are many products out there, or just a scrubby loofah will do.

This is more than merely cosmetic. Your skin is the largest organ of elimination in (on?) your bod. By ridding yourself of dead skin cells, you help detoxify. So get at those callouses on the feet (a major energy center) with a pumice, and don't forget your back and neck.

Give yourself a nice facial masque at the same time (PeaceBang loves the Tourmaline Radiance Masque by Aveda) and a hair moisturizing treatment (Carol's Daughters makes a beautiful, all organic one).

When you're done soaking and scrubbing your person, rinse off in tepid water and dry yourself with a big fluffy towel. Slather yourself in a rich body creme, paying special attention to elbows and feet, and wrap your silky body in something pure cotton.

Tell your beloved that you'll be having naked worship in your bedroom, and only he or she is invited. Tell 'em PeaceBang sent you. That's good for you too, you know. Body and soul. Just be sure to turn off the phone.












(The nude is by Edward Weston)

Happiness Is a Good Massage

How are we today, my little candy canes? Are our shoulders hunched up around our ears yet, as we step into the first Sunday in Advent?

PeaceBang's certainly were, as she has a 20-page paper due on Tuesday and a 7-page paper due later in the same blessed week. She is just a wee bit twitchy just about now, so today she decided to get out in the sunshine to take a walk, and she called a local spa and begged for a massage appointment (they were very nice about it and got me right in).

PeaceBang is a big fan of massage and was so relaxed she fell asleep on the table under the ministrations of one Jennifer With Very Strong Hands.


It was kind of like this, except in a much smaller, darker room. I also did not have my raven tresses splayed glamorously out on a pillow -- mostly because I don't have raven tresses -- and for some reason there wasn't a hot guy hanging out in the pool. Probably because there wasn't a pool.

PeaceBang instructed Jennifer to hurt her -- using a meat tenderizer, if necessary -- and as a result, PeaceBang is looking forward to that pleasant soreness tomorrow morning. She's drinking a lot of water now to FLUSH THE TOXINS from her body. That's what they always say to do, so I'm doing it.

PeaceBang is so fine and dandy just about now that she's not even mad about being kept on hold for ten minutes by Bank of America Platinum Plus Visa card, whose web site is so terribly disorganized and whose customer service is so lousy that she's cancelling her account.

For a healthy glow and a happy body, let someone rub you the right way this Advent! If you can't get to a spa for financial or geographic reasons, hand your honey a meat tenderizer and tell him or her where to bang on ya!

Hideous Facial Disfigurements

PeaceBang was on her way to dreamland but she got an EMERGENCY e-mail from a beautiful, talented and faithful reader about a BUMPY EYEBROW situation, and she had to write to her reader and then to post immediately!

PeaceBang is going to let you all in on a little secret: she is afflicted with a skin condition that flares up at the most inopportune moments. Christmas Eve, say, or when she's going to host a brunch for her Ex and his brand new, skinny and gorgeous wife.

This skin flare up is nothing more exotic than the same virus that gives most people cold sores around their mouth, only PeaceBang gets the blisters on either side of her NOSE, which is where the virus took up residence many, many years ago and re-afflicts her once every few months. The dermatologist thinks that repeated sunburning of that part of the skin over many years may have made it more susceptible to blistering, or maybe PeaceBang just plain made that up.

Anyway, out of her personal experience with Hideous Facial Disfigurement,* PeaceBang offers you,

How To Remain Poised and Polished Even When Hideously Facially Disfigured:

1. At the first signs of bumps and redness, ice. ICE, ICE, BABY. Ice is a winner. It's free, it's effective, it's nature's great remedy. Ice is your go-to first step for any inflammation.

2. Do not obsess about your hideous facial disfigurment. The truth is, no one really notices it very much.

3. Keep your hands very clean and keep them away from your face. Wash and make up your mug in the morning and LEAVE IT ALONE. The Hideous Facial Disfigurement that no one can really see will be totally invisible in a few days. Stop fussing with it and let it heal. Above all, no squeezing, poking, rubbing, itching or using masques on irritated skin. You'll just make matters worse.

4. Keep out of the sun, and if you have something even remotely contagious, use your own towels and don't kiss anyone or share food or utensils. Cold sores are contagious, dumplings. Watch pillow cases, too.

5. Aloe vera gel is a good topical ointment for lots of bumpy and irritated skin conditions. Abreve is also pretty good for cold sores, but they do just need to run their course and Hideously Disfigure you for a few days.

6. If you are male, there's no reason you can't experiment with a cover-stick the same color as your skin and keep it on hand for Hideous Disfigurements. Do NOT apply cover-sticks directly to skin: rub some on the back of your clean hand and use your finger to dab, dab, dab it directly on top of the Hideous Disfigurement. A small make-up brush is an excellent tool for this. Just be sure to wash it in gentle shampoo when you're done, rinse well and let air dry.

7. If you're a woman, do your face make-up as you usually do, then dab, dab, dab a lighter concealer (PeaceBang uses an excellent green correcting product by Eucerin http://www.eucerinus.com/products/face_err_tonecreme.html when she's having an allergic reaction to something and is turning blotchy pink) over the Affliction.

8. Keep your make-up and brushes and hands clean. Whenever possible, buy products that do not require you to dip your little paws into them but are dispensed in some more hygenic manner, such as through a pump or squeeze bottle.

9. If your skin is prone to blotchy weirdness, invest in a pair of huge, glamorous sunglasses. Be very careful trying new products -- sometimes a reaction can occur over a few hours, or even the next day. Be gentle and slow if you have sensitive skin.

10. Remember that Jesus loved the lepers and he loves you, too even with your Hideous Facial Disfigurement.

Immunity And Anonymous

Someone asked about my immunity regimen. I wanted to say that on the advice of my acupuncturist, it includes an herbal supplement called Astra 8 by Health Concerns. It's mostly astragalus and some other Chinese herbs. This is serious stuff so please don't think I'm recommending that you just buy it off the internet and start popping it without consulting a medical person. I don't want anything happening to my dear powder pigeons! What if it interacted with your blood pressure medication and you tipped over? I would be bereft. So please be careful with any herbal preparations.

I also take Astra Isatis by Health Concerns when my immune system is exhibiting signs of real wear and tear, which it does by breaking out into huge, hideous facial blisters near my nose. Just the other day I started to get all rashy on the left side of my face and could feel an enormous blister coming out. I iced it, used all my anti-inflammatory Origins products (the Dr. Weil line), and started on 6 Astra Isatis a day with plenty of water. It cleared up in 36 hours with no outbreak. Good stuff.

Sleep is great for the immune system, as you know. When I'm really raggedy, I need 9 hours. When not raggedy, 7 is great. Eight tends to leave me groggy. Having an anxiety disorder that occasionally causes me to wake me in the middle of the night with panic attacks, I have to be very protective of good sleep time. No caffeine after 11 a.m. No alcohol or sugary stuff near sleepytime. Prayers before bed. Breathing. Cat petting. If you have a lover around, you can pet each other and I hope you do.

I'm still in extreme October Fat-n-Uglies (my God! What an inspired name for a line of ... I don't know, but something!). My hair is a nightmare right now; not sure what to do with it. Right now, just getting through everything the day requires is all-consuming. Fashion isn't fun -- I'm not enjoying clothing or make-up or accessorizing but putting together whatever I need to to get through the day. That's okay, but it's more fun when there's a creative zing to it.

Someone anonymously commented on a very old post today that she thought all my emphasis on clothing and beauty tips was "incredibly sad," because she herself (Anonymous) doesn't wear make-up and since she didn't wear heels to her own wedding, she isn't likely to wear them anywhere else. AND, she reminds me, brilliant religious leaders like Dorothy Day didn't wear make-up, etc.

Once again, I must say that I don't know why someone would even VISIT a blog called Beauty Tips For Ministers if they're avowedly uninterested in such frivolous chatter. Furthermore, and I can attest to this from firsthand experience, shunning lipstick and nice clothes doesn't make anyone into Dorothy Day any more than wearing mascara makes anyone into Tammy Faye Bakker.
LikePeaceBang always says, you can wear Birkenstocks all over the desert, but that don't make you Jesus.

Yes, that was a snap you just heard.
I'm sort of hoping someone will start a blog called "Ministers Who Don't Give a Fig What They Look Like" so I can refer folks over there from time to time.

October Blahs

As is typical during transitional times, PeaceBang has been hit with the ugly stick.
And she's just as fat, fat, fat as can be.

At times like this, it's not so much about cute outfits as it is about keeping it simple, being kind to oneself, getting to the gym for energy, getting enough sleep (October always exhausts me) and gradually changing make-up from light and glossy to moisturizing and brightening. Remember that the light changes in the autumn. It gets dark earlier and those soft peaches that look so beautiful in June won't look like much of anything in the harsher November light.

Ladies, it's high time to retire bright pink from your wardrobe until springtime.
Gentlemen, short-sleeved beachy shirts are done for the year.

Stock some moisturizer for your hands in the office, and in your car if you like. Lip balm isn't a bad idea, either. It's going to get colder and dryer for many of us.

October is a good month to schedule a facial, but not if you're fighting goldenrod or leaf mold allergies, or you could badly irritate your skin.

If you have an immunity-enhancing regimen, start it now and keep it up through Christmas. Put some Purell in your office and use it religiously after greeting everyone on Sunday morning.

Stock up on moisturizing soaps, and check your sock drawer to make sure you're set for the winter.

PeaceBang is taking her sagging self to BED now! Good night, lovely people.

Autumn Checklist

Lovely and esteemed pigeons, it's back-to-school time. Many of us have had a light summer schedule, and some of us haven't, but all of us have the opportunity to make a fresh start with the new season.

A few tips to put your most beautiful autumn pastoral foot forward:

1. Launder all your winter hats and scarves in Woolite now and set them out to dry in the sun. When they're dry, place them neatly in a sachet-scented drawer or box so you won't have to scramble for them when it starts getting cold. Find your gloves and clean and press as necessary, and take your winter coat to the dry cleaner. Find a fabulous big pin to wear with it, and then put it away for what I hope is a long time. Won't it be nice NOT to scramble on that first really cold morning? In the same vein, buy a new umbrella. Buy a few. Keep one in the car, one at church, and one at home. Totes makes excellent and reliable retractable ones for a reasonable price.

2. Shine your shoes and get them re-soled or re-heeled as necessary. A professional clean and shine costs about $5.00. Put away all your white shoes. Yes, all of them. You shouldn't be wearing white sneakers to work, anyway, and no one gets a pass on that. NO white shoes unless you're a nurse.

3. Mend the garments that need mending now instead of the morning you'll want to wear them: buttons on shirts, sagging hems, burst seams. Throw out stained garments. Don't think no one will notice the stains. Replace white and black t-shirts as needed; they lose their shape and color after a couple of seasons anyway, and should always look fresh even if you're wearing them (as you should be) underneath other clothes.

3. Check your key wardrobe staples for sizing and fit. Put things on, button them, and watch yourself walk from behind. If necessary, purchase appropriate undergarments to control jiggle or to reign in errant yantitas.* Note gaps in the fronts of blouses and suit jackets that don't close. You should be able to button your jackets and blazers even if you choose not to.
Gentlemen, no pulling your pants down under your paunch so that they look like they're falling off your tushie. They should FIT. Buy the correct size and for heaven's sake, don't fear the tailor! He is your friend! Likewise, if you have lost a considerable amount of weight, don't make the Ladies League fear that your pants or skirt will fall down any minute and reveal you in your skivvies. Get them taken in.

Guys and gals, if you have any doubt as to whether or not a garment is too small and snug, sit down in it and look at yourself in the mirror. Are you a festival of yantitas? Does the garment strain and threaten to burst? Do your thighs look like they're trying to escape from a garbardine prison? If so, my dears, I'm afraid you'll have to go a size up. Not three sizes too big; one or two sizes up to whatever fits you well and nicely. Remember, no matter what your size, your clothes should fit -- not obscure-- you.

4. Give yourself a nice facial or have it done professionally to slough off that sun-deadened summer skin. If you've been fake tanning, you can stop now.
A dusting of bronzer and a nice blush can help you fake the glow awhile longer.

5. Re-assess your make-up and clothing colors. Now is not the time for shimmery pink lipsticks and lime green headbands. Move into deeper tones, consider the change in the light based on where you live on the planet, and take advantage of the beautiful, rich colors that are in fashion for the fall. Get your hair colored a shade richer than you do in the summer, and consider low-lighting sun-bleached hair. Have it trimmed, at least, and/or or deep condition it with a product like Garnier Fructis Deep Conditioning Masque (about $4.00 available at any drugstore).

6. Gals, stock up now on pantyhose and opaque tights. You'll be glad you did. You need nude, off-black sheer, and opaque black tights. If you're young and have great legs, subtly textured tights are VERY big, but make sure you wear them with a skirt of modest length. Fellas, it's you who's supposed to be holy, not your socks. Toss the tattered ones and get some new ones already! P.S. Don't let PeaceBang catch you wearing blue socks with black shoes, or vicey versy.

7. Go through the medicine cabinet and toss expired medications. When you catch a cold in December you're not going to want to take that Sudafed from 2002.
Similarly, spend some time making self-care goals: how and when will you make time for you? Schedule a check-up and a tooth cleaning now for January. Better yet, schedule a vacation for some time in the winter, and commit to going on it. If money is an issue, consider a house swap with a friend. The aim is peace and quiet and renewal, and that can happen anywhere the phone's ringing and it's not for you!

8. If you haven't replaced your mascara or cleaned your cosmetic brushes since the spring, it's time to do it. Everyone, get yourself a new toothbrush too, while you're at it.

9. Have one perfect suit pressed and ready to go for funerals and weddings. Take it out of the dry cleaner's plastic, as it needs to breathe. Keep it hanging somewhere that it doesn't get crushed; preferably in a generally unused closet.

10. Shine your jewelry. Gentlemen, you too. Clean up and replace watch batteries and cufflinks, and keep them wear you'll be able to find them in a mad rush.

Extra Bonus Tip:
Install a full length mirror in your church office. Make sure you have a hairbrush, a lipstick or gloss, an extra pair of pantyhose (nude), Shouts stain remover or stick, Kleenex, anti-static spray, dental floss, breath mints, hand sanitizer and moisturizer in a drawer. In addition to keeping your hands smooth, moisturizer can tame frizzies (rub a tiny bit on your hands and run through your hair).

And now let us say AMEN to the Great Pumpkin.






* yantitas = rolls of fat, Mexican slang