A Reader Recommends Tory Burch Shoes

Dear ladies,

Do you have a penchant for cunning ballerina flats? If so, read on.

Reader K. recommends these shoes by Tory Burch. She says they look just as brilliant with jeans as they do with vestments, but when PeaceBang saw the price she fell backwards off her chair and had to be helped back up by the cat, who said "Wow, you must have a head injury, because I'm a cat and I can't talk."

Here are the darling ballerina flats, not PeaceBang's personal style or budget range, but may be just what you're looking for:

http://www.toryburch.com/catalog_detail.aspx?cid=467&id=12662

Black Sneakers With Suits: Non, Non, Mon Freres

A newly-ordained colleague writes,

"Here is my pet peeve: ministers wearing black sneakers as though they substitute for black dress shoes. They don't. Just because they are black does not make them an appropriate counterpart to a suit. (Okay, this mostly applies to men because I rarely see a woman doing this.)"

First of all, our blessings go to this newly-minted Rev., and we wish her every happiness and the deepest fulfillment of her calling!

Second of all, we thank her for making this important point. Guys, you're not kidding anyone with those black Reeboks. Unless you have some kind of serious orthopedic issue -- in which case you should just wear orthopedic shoes, there's no shame in it! -- don't pair sneakers with a suit.

Did the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King walk all over Alabama witnessing for justice wearing sneakers with his suit? No, he did not. And PeaceBang feels certain that he would not have even if they had made black Reeboks back then. Some days, personal comfort is a fine consideration. When that is the case, you can wear something like this:


When the situation calls for the most dignified presence you can muster, however, it's time for shiny man shoes and nothing else.

(These are by Ecco, so they're actually not pinchy and stiff!)

Philocrites was wearing these the other day, and they're really terrific for an everyday shoe:
http://tinyurl.com/2sho98
(Clark's Oxfords)

Here's a tip, darling gents: Dr. Scholl's makes terrific squishy gel inserts, and if you do as PeaceBang and buy your shoes a half-size bigger, you can show up in a real shoe and still be comfortable on your feet all day.
http://www.drscholls.com/prodselect.aspx?pgid=7

But seriously, PeaceBang just cruised Zappos.com to look at men's shoes and found oodles of great options on there that look nice and are extremely comfortable. Now she's wondering why in the world so many men are walking around in hiking boots and galoshes when there are so many more elegant and equally practical options out there.

Is this a little bit of a Rev. Peter Pan situation, boys? Is this just about wanting to keep that youthful, I Might Just Go Hike Up a Mountain After This Board Meeting, Because I've Got Some GORP In My Pocket And I'm A Free And Wild Spirit, Baby edge? Because, sweeties, here's how it reads to everyone else: "My Son Left His Black Sneakers In The Mud Room And I Couldn't Find My Own Shoes Before Tonight's Service So I Wore His."

Remember what PeaceBang always says, "Well-shodliness is next to godliness."

Wink, wink, kiss of peace!
PB

She Gave Her Ordination The Boot

ordination boot
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Remember when D. wrote in and told us about how she broke her ankle right before her ordination and was so upset that she wouldn't be able to wear fabulous shoes? And then she decorated her little ankle boot with rhinestones?

http://beautytipsforministers.blogspot.com/2007/02/she-glued-rhinestones-to-her.html

Well, here's the photo. And it's just a wonderful shot.

Blessings to the Rev. D. and her intrepid sense of humor and flair!

She Glued Rhinestones To Her Orthopedic Boot...

... bless her fabulous little heart!!

This from a fellow lover of shoes:


Hello PeaceBang,

Just wanted to tell you about my experience of the ministry of shoes. I like no, love shoes and they are always a topic of conversation with my parishioners on a Sunday morning. They comment on the height of the heel-high and the pointyness of the toes-very. When I broke my toe a week before my ordination, they all lamented as to what I would wear-I hot glued rhinestones to my orthopedic boot and they loved it. Just wanted you to know that I have embraced my shoeness and am not the least embarrassed by it, it just lets me know that my congregation loves me-shoes and all.

Thanks. I knew you'd understand.
D.

***

Dear D,
Indeed, I do understand. When I broke both of my ankles at the same time in 2000, one of the things that aged me even worse than the pain was the footwear. I couldn't step into a cute shoe or a heel for six months. Come to think of it, I wasn't wearing heels back then. I was living in Maryland and fairly new in the ministry and still reeling from the fact that having a "Rev." before my name seemed to have totally cancelled my attractiveness quotient in the eyes of every man I met. I felt like a frump and I'm afraid I was very much dressing the part.

When I moved back to Massachusetts to be the minister at one of the prettiest churches I have ever seen (the interior of our sanctuary is mauve pink!! How flattering to a girl's complexion!!) , I got some mojo back. My new surroundings were so pritty, I wanted to be pritty! My friend Nathan took me shopping for clothes my second summer here and when he noodged me to buy some heels and I replied that I was too plump to totter around on them, he put his hand on his hip and said, "Honey, if I can wear them, you can wear them!" Nathan, you have to know, is well over 6" tall and is not a slim boy. I've never seen him in drag, but I just know that he's utterly fabulous. I bought a pair of
9 West pumps that day and have never looked back.

Thanks for writing, sugarpie. Take good care of those tootsies.

Kiss of peace,
PeaceBang

PeaceBang Does Zappos

Born Britten Pump
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

PeaceBang is happy to report that giant online purveyor of shoes, Zappos, lives up to its fine reputation.

PeaceBang ordered the Born Britten Pump as shown in the photo and received them one day later, and best of all -- free shipping and handling!!

Let's talk about the shoe: it's funky, it's a fabulous neutral color for spring, it has enough of a heel to stay well out of frump territory, it looks good with pants and with skirts, and it's comfortable enough to wear while running down hospital corridors. It isn't a pair of those insipid flats they're showing that gives a girl the appearance of "cankle" (calf/ankle), it's far more interesting than a mere clog, and it's made by Born, which means it will last for years and years. Did I mention that I *love* the color, which looks marvelous with many shades of blue (a staple of my spring wardrobe)?

A Good, Cute Ministry Shoe

Born Britten Pump
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

This is just the perfect shoe for the spring, isn't it? A great neutral color, comfortable, funky, looks cute with skirts and pants, and best of all -- it has a CLOSED TOE, so you can wear it to church!!

I'm not madly in love with the cutesy hippie girl detail on the strap but I am mad about the color and the general shape, and the fetching clunkiness of it. Born makes an excellent shoe.

You may ooh and ahh further at :
http://tinyurl.com/yk8lgz

The only trouble IS, I wear a size 6.5 and they only have whole sizes. IF I was going to buy these-- and I'm probably not because they're pretty expensive -- I'd go up a half size so I could fit a comfy insole in the shoe. Even better for long days at church! Brazilliant!

If you get them let me know how they are in real life! Better yet, get them in my size and then send them to me when you're done!

Snazzy Little Theologians

kicky oxfords
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Are you going to the AAR meeting in a few weeks? (That's the American Academy of Religion for you unchurchy types)

If so, don't get these shoes from Payless, 'cause L'il Flava bought them and she doesn't want any imitators. If she sees you in these shoes you will have to have a DANCE-OFF to see who is the theologian most worthy to rock the kicky oxfords. And I'm sorry, but you'd lose.

Next year, invite PeaceBang to do a lecture, how 'bout? AAR organizers, are you listening?

Payless Has Hot Boots, Who Knew?

hot boots
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Hot boots, no?

Fake, though, so your feet will sweat. But for under $25 from the Payless web site, amigas, no problem!

Muy caliente!

Ankle Boots

There is a huge fashion trend right now about wearing ankle boots with skirts.

If you have miles-long legs and can get away with this, please send in photographic evidence. PeaceBang is totally incredulous. She believes that even the models wearing this look in the magazines have been photoshopped to add an extra foot to their already-long legs. And frankly, PeaceBang *still* doesn't think this is a professionally appropriate style.

For those of us with average legs, and with an extra pound or two on them: AVOID ANKLE BOOTS WITH KNEE-LENGTH SKIRTS AT ALL COSTS. Boots with knee-length skirts should smoothly cover the calf. If there are a few inches of flesh showing between boot and skirt, that flesh should not be bulging out of the boot top.

Ankle boots with pants are just dandy.

Speak To Us Of Boots

Berrysmom writes that she breaks out into a cold sweat at the mere thought of shopping for boots.

PeaceBang can hardly blame her. There are 123 pages of boot choices on Zappos.com alone, and a plethora at every department store in America.

Boots, boots, boots! What's a well-dressed cleric to do? PeaceBang herself loves boots and has many pairs, but her favorites continue to be bronze cowboyish ones from Franco Sarto, which she dearly adores and wears everywhere.

A few guidelines:

1. Boots should be leather. Fake materials will just make your feet and calves sweat profusely. This is not to say that PeaceBang doesn't love her faux snakeskin pull-on boots with the 3" heel. She just doesn't recommend them for someone who is boot phobic and buying her first pair.
2. Boots should be classic in style. Avoid anything that makes your lower half look like Sasquatch, and do not fall prey to those squishy camel-colored items with faux shearling trim that resemble bedroom slippers. Stay with structure and a nice line with beautiful, classic detailing. The heel height is up to you. Totally flat boots with long skirts can really make a girl look stumpy, though, I'm warning you.
3. Boots should be weather-wise. Why in the name of the good Lord would I want to go out in a stilletto-heeled boot? What am I going to do if it snows? Get on my butt and slide around?
4. Boots should fit. They should not be so snug around the calf as to cause little puppies of excess flesh to ooze out the top of the boot.
5. Boots should be black or some shade of brown or red or bronze, or some other sane color. They should not be pink leopard skin or flowered or red, white and blue striped.
6. Boots are an investment. They are worth spending $150-$200 for.
7. We should not wear L.L. Been sports boots in the pulpit. Keep a nice pair of shoes in the office if you have to slog to church in bad weather.

In Futile Search Of The Perfect Black Flat Shoes

It is a sad fact.
PeaceBang is very unhappy with her shoe collection.
She seems to have lots of cute pumps that aren't really comfortable enough for a long day on her feet, and she's not dressing up enough lately to warrant wearing them in the first place.
She has loads of fun, frivolous shoes that look like all kinds of fun in the closet but either don't go with anything, or that just aren't appropriate for PeaceBang's busy schedule.

PeaceBang's lower back has been bothering her lately, and she wants solid footwear. Solid but not frumpy. Say it with me, brothers and sisters!
"Solid but not frumpy!"

She has loads of sandals, but summer is over. Yet it's not warm enough to wear boots yet, either, and your devoted blogging correspondent has plenty of those. Black boots with heels and without, tan boots, cowboy boots, faux snakeskin boots, zip-up riding boots that threaten to cut off the circulation in her chubby calves but dammit, she wears them anyway. Oh yes, PB has the boots. Her boots were made for walking... the parish and the corridors of hospitals and seminaries.

It would seem as though PeaceBang has plenty of shoes to wear. Which reminds me of a Garrison Keillor joke.*

And yet here we are agonizing over the shoe situation yet again. Is this simply the spiritual emptiness of the materialistic American female rearing its sinful head in the guise of shoe lust? It could be, so help me Jesus, and I freely admit I would ride through the night on a broomstick to dance around a fire with Manolo Blahnik or Jimmy Choo. I would sign my soul to Franco Sarto, in blood even, for a pair of comfortable black flats with a decent heel.

So what gives? All I'm seeing this season are monstrously chunky items that make one look as though one has been shod by the Goodyear Company, or twee little ballet flats that threaten to dissolve in the first puddle, and that make a grown woman look like Henrietta the Hippo. Remember her? She was that passive-aggressive pink-clad creature from "The New Zoo Review" who clearly needed some serious fellowship with Overeaters Anonymous. I do not wish to resemble Henrietta.

And so I look. I look in vain for a black flat that is comfortable, elegant, not boring or too preppy, that has some substance enough to support an extravagantly-sized voman, and that doesn't hearken back to the days of the god-awful Doc Marten things I clomped around in in college.

Please help, before I swoon from despair.








* This is a Lena and Olle joke, repeated from memory so don't blame me if it's not that funny. I'm terrible at remembering jokes. You have to say Olle's dialogue in a really thick Norwegian accent.

Olle comes home one afternoon early from work and he walks into his bedroom to see his wife Lena sitting naked on the bed and looking rather startled to see him. "Lena," says Olle. "What the heck are ya doin' over there in your birthday suit? We gotta go to the luttefisk supper in a half an hour, now." And Lena says, "Well, I just don't have anything to wear!" Whereupon Olle walks over to her closet and opens it, saying, "Don't be silly, Lena! Why there'sa blue dress, there's a yella dress, there's a green dress, there's a Sven..."

Rev. Country Club (Black Flat Search)

country club kill me
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

"Saaaay, Muffy? What say we get our hair blown out at Bobby's before that meeting with the bishop. And then pop by Lily Pulitzer's to pick up one of those darling grosgrain headbands I told you about! Alrighty? See you then. Ta for now! I'm on my way to tae boe!"

Did This in 1988 (Search For Black Flats)

did this in 1988
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

These are cute. Just as cute as they were in 1989 when I wore them with baby doll dresses and bike shorts. I just can't do it again.

NEXT...!

For This I Could Stay Home (Black Flat Search)

for this I could stay home
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

My arches hurt just looking at these. And that bow! Please!

The Rev. Mrs. Doubtfire (Black Flat Search)

taking tea
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Probably super comfortable, but I envision myself dressed in a worsted wool sweater and pouring tea for the vicar. I don't think so.

Moving right along...

Lord, Why Dost Thou Mock Me In This?

rockport
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Even branching out from black flats to taupe and other neutrals, I'm still having no luck.

These sturdy little items from Rockport are rather cute, but I'm just not *quite* ready to give up on the hope for a sex life someday. So, no.

These sure do look comfortable, and when I get called to a congregation of SMURFS, I'll definitely get a pair.

And these little jim dandys with absolutely no support might be cute once you get them on,

but I have this irrational fear that they might go flying off my foot in the middle of a board meeting and hit someone in the eye. We can't have that.

Merrell's RIP

This is the saddest non-important thing in my life this afternoon:

My beloved Merrell thong sandals that I have had for three years and worn almost every day (certainly in the summer) around the house and all around the universe because they are the most comfortable shoes EVER (take THAT, Crocs!) just broke.

Keening. Wailing. Gnashing of teeth and renting of garments (which, in the Biblical, means tearing. Not like renting of tuxes, for your non-Biblical people out there). Donning of sackcloth and ashes.

I tried to replace this pair last year but they stopped making this style, and the new version just wan't heavenly comfortable, so why purchase it?

These are all run-on sentences but that's what happens when you are GRIEVING YOUR SHOES.

I Hate Crocs

It's not just an opinion any more, it's a movement!!

http://ihatecrocs.com/

So I was in Portsmouth, New Hampshire on Monday with my bud T. and of course I dragged him into every shoe store in sight, which he goodnaturedly tolerated (as long as we got to buy some toys at the toy store). So there we are and I'm actually contemplating the CROCS, thinking that maybe they'd be good for gardening and for cooking (when I make a huge feast, I need good supportive shoes). Just as I'm about to say, "I can't do it! These are just too hideous for me to wear under ANY circumstances," I spot an old friend TRYING ON THE CROCS.

She's an adorable, petite women in the physical therapy field, very classic preppy, and you know, she can get away with it. But only she can. Another person who can get away with it is a very cute 5 or 6-year old girl I saw walking down the street this summer carrying a little dolly and wearing pink Crocs. She can wear them, too.

The rest of us, no.
Non!
Nyet!
Nein!