He Waxes His Own Brows

Lovely ones,

PeaceBang is having such a FUN week in the financial sense. Just one day after writing nice juicy checks to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and the Internal Revenue Service, PeaceBang learned that her car needs front and back brake pads and rotors and an alignment, all to the dissonant tune of $950. Ack. Blag.
Also, it happens to be about 36 degrees and sleeting right now.
AND the Sox lost last night, and I couldn't even hate the Mariners because they actually played an awesome defense, and their pitcher ruled.

While PeaceBang is tempted to impale herself on a sharp piece of dark chocolate left over from an enormous Easter egg given her by dear congregants, she will manage to find the Strength To Go On. Because, really, there was a bright spot in her morning. It happened when she noticed that her mechanic, a young man who has a terrific goatee and crazy hair, has particularly beautiful eyebrows. So beautiful, in fact, that PeaceBang had to ask it. "Do you wax your eyebrows?" she inquired, teasingly. Our modest mechanic blushed in a manly way and declined to answer. And at that moment, PeaceBang knew that he was busted. "They're FABULOUS," she gushed, and then,"Who does them for you?"

"I do them myself," he gruffly offered, and then said, "Man, I'm outta here," barely managing to hide his smile as he stomped back to the garage. Meredith, the lovely receptionist, and I giggled madly.

So there you have it, gentlemen. If my mechanic can wax his eyebrows, so can you. I'll ask him what he uses when I go pick up my car later today.

UU Minister Man-Head

UU Minister Man Head
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

I saw this photo on the celebrity fashion-dish blog "Go Fug Yourself" and screamed. Do we not all know a Unitarian Universalist male minister who has manscaping exactly like this?

WE DO.

And it's time it STOPPED.

This look, which I am just now dubbing "Swinging Seventies Pastor," is DATED, boys! It's time to cut the hair shorter -- I know, you have fabulous flowing locks and you want to show them off, but if you're doing a beard and 'stache at the same time, you CAN'T.

I know my boys are partial to their facial hair, but given that a HUGE percentage of our clergy have it, wouldn't it be cool if more of our guys put away the stereotypical grooming habits of the past just, you know, to see how it feels?

You can always grow it back, right?

Meanwhile, I'm not even mentioning the horrors of this outfit.

Gee, I must be feeling better! Stomach flu seems to agree with me!

Hey Sailor, Buy Me a Dwink?

Hey Sailor, Buy Me a Dwink?
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

This fella on the right is apparently Someone Famous, but PeaceBang has no idea who he is.

All she knows is that gentlemen in the ministerial professions should not don stripes like this unless they're prepared to also wear a little beret and dance around picturesque cafes with the likes of Miss Leslie Caron.

A second option would be to dance around lower Manhattan in a pair of tight, white pants and do an extra pirouette because you're on shore leave for a WHOLE DAY and you get to go FIND A GAL.

Bad idea, stripes like those.

Long-Haired Minister Guys

Hola, amigos! Did you have wonderful church? I hope so. I did. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Got this letter just a few days ago,

"Hello Peace Bang
Question for a future post - Advice for Male Ministers with Long Hair, particularly for General Assembly.
-A (prayerfully) new UU Minister"

Don't you love how he writes? Kind of cryptic with all those capitals, very German poet, very Rilke, "Mein Leben hat das gleiche Kleid und Haar."

So, Joseph, are you the long-haired romantic type? In which case your gorgeous flowing locks are probably well-groomed and lovely, and don't do a thing with them. When you ask about GA, are you perhaps walking in the Service of the Living Tradition? If so, just a good brushing should do.

If your hair is long and you feel a slight intuition that it might be a wee bit scraggly or unkempt, just go to a good stylist and say, "I would like to have long hair and be handsome and fabulous in a way that communicates the vitality and relevancy of the contemporary church. Could you arrange that, please?"

And they will.

It's a good idea to find a long-haired male mentor, someone whose look you admire, and take a photo of that person (anonymous model, Benjamin Franklin, etc.) with you to the salon.

Joseph, do not fear the Salon Visit. You need only go once or twice to get your look together, and after that you'll do fine at the regular old inexpensive chop shop.

Oh, and Joseph... please don't choose Keith Urban as your long-haired man mentor. His look doesn't so much communicate beauty, vitality and charisma as Serious Commitment To Bleach and Foils.

One last thing, Joseph, if you wear a ponytail, can you make sure to still brush your hair? Even if it's pulled back, it should still look neat and clean.

P.S. If you occasionally spray your hair into place I will never, ever tell anyone. And it's okay.

Handsome Color Combo!

Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Hey fellas, stuck in a color rut?
I saw a lot of this in New York, and it's just plain handsome: French blue with olive green.

Male Grooming In Progress

Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

When I asked this man if I could take his picture for this blog, he said "only if you don't get my face in there."

I complied, and here he is getting a pedicure. He was on the phone with his wife throughout his treatment, and then hung up and trotted right over for a manicure.

I asked him, "So, why do you do this? So many men think they shouldn't get manis or pedis."

He impatiently replied, "Well, their hands and feet probably look like s**t."

I LOVE New York!

Eyebrows, Suits

Darlings, PeaceBang is suffering from a Hideous Facial Disfigurement that has her face quite swollen and her right eye very puffy. She saw the doctor yesterday and got loaded up with anti-virals, anti-biotics (which she won't take) and an immunity-enhancing supplement. This is her second HFD in two months, and that's just not a good statement about her general health and self-care. However, when she was waiting for her prescriptions at Brooks Pharmacy, she had the pleasure of meeting three very lovely women who absolutely loaded her up with samples from these new-to-American skincare lines:

Vichy
Eau Thermale Avene
La Roche-Posay Laboratoire Pharmaceutique
and
Lierac Paris

Doesn't this all just make you want to stand up and sing "Le Marseille?" How kind of the French to flood the American market with products that may help us be more moist, dewy, exfoliated and generally fresh-faced!! As soon as PeaceBang's Hideous Facial Disfigurement calms down, she can't wait to start testing away, especially since she has heard from two cosmetic professionals in the past week that she has LARGE PORES. Mon Dieu!! Large PORES! This in addition to having bad roots, a desperate need for a manicure, and not having made it to the gym in two weeks. PeaceBang might have to take to her bed today with a box of Girl Scout cookies, her computer, and her spring preaching schedule. It's all too much, and the Easter service is already becoming overly-complicated and PeaceBang is all stressed out about it.

But now, for your questions!

Sez one lovely lass,

"I just discovered your blog, and I have a question about eyebrows.
I know I should pluck my eyebrows, but they're a) light; b)sparse; c) the hairs are long.
So if I eliminated the hairs that shouldn't be there, there'd only be a few left and they wouldn't necessarily look tidy. And what do you do with eyebrow pencils?
I've never figured out how they work. The color certainly doesn't rub off on the hairs, and I don't think you're supposed to just draw your own on your skin even though lots of elderly ladies do. Thanks.
Your colleague in the Midwest"

My dear Midwestern lamb,
There is no rule that says Thou Shalt Pluck. Are the brows messy and scraggly? Do they distract from your eyes and travel over onto the bridge of your nose?
If so, they should be shaped.
Are your brows well-nigh invisible, failing to provide a beautiful, expressive frame for your face? If so, you should find a nice eyebrow pencil that is as close to your natural brow color as you can get it (Lancome Le Crayon Poudre is by far my favorite), keep it nice and sharp, and fill in your brow with light, feathery strokes. You're not drawing on the brows, you're filling them in.
The thing you want to avoid is using a harsh, hard pencil that requires you to use a heavy hand that will result in that permanently-startled Eccentric Retired Drama Teacher look.
Remember, as with all make-up, you want to look like yourself --only better.
Visit a cosmetics counter for a free lesson; it's a perfectlyl legit investment of your time and energy. You will be seen far more effectively from the back pew with good, defined brows.
Good luck! PB

****

"Preppy Pastor" has been flooding PeaceBang's in-box with anxious inquiries about appropriate attire for funerals and visitations following the service. Should he buy a black suit? Can he wear a black sports jacket with checked pants? Seriously, should he buy a suit, and does it have to be black?

Preppy Pastor has won PeaceBang's heart because he has bothered to seek out her church website and read her sermons, which he appreciates well enough to quote in his own sermons -- and that's always a thrill, especially since we're from very different religious traditions-- so PeaceBang will happily indulge his many inquiries and try to set him on the right path here:

Preppy Pastor, darling, if you don't think you'd use a black suit very often, it's perfectly fine to wear a dark suit to a funeral and to visitations afterwards (heavens, what else would you wear to a visitation afterwards but what you wore to officiate in?). A beautiful, elegant navy should work fine. Elegant charcoal gray. What really matters is the cut and the fit, of course. A black suit doesn't look profesionally appropriate if it sags or bunches, is covered with dandruff or lint, and worn with dull, beat-up shoes (and whoever it was that pointed out that rubber-soled shoes have no place in the sanctuary, BLESS YOU. PeaceBang couldn't agree with you more, but she is trying to take baby steps with her defiantly casual male colleagues who are still showing up in black Nikes, but she digresses).

PeaceBang doesn't know what kind of CHECKED PANTS you have in mind, Preppy, but she is certain they shouldn't be worn to a funeral. Pinstripes may be fine, but checks are not. And yes, buy a suit if you can. It will serve you well in a variety of settings and is really far more appropriate for a funeral than a sports coat and slacks.


Powder Pigeons,
If this blog is helping you, if you read it with as much pleasure and appreciation as you do a magazine or journal you would pay for, feel free to drop a tip in the tip-jar to the right, otherwise known as the Make a Donation button. This is a labor of love, but buying new television-appropriate clothes for her next media outing has made PeaceBang aware that it's expensive being America's Best-Known Clergy Image Consultant.

Black Sneakers With Suits: Non, Non, Mon Freres

A newly-ordained colleague writes,

"Here is my pet peeve: ministers wearing black sneakers as though they substitute for black dress shoes. They don't. Just because they are black does not make them an appropriate counterpart to a suit. (Okay, this mostly applies to men because I rarely see a woman doing this.)"

First of all, our blessings go to this newly-minted Rev., and we wish her every happiness and the deepest fulfillment of her calling!

Second of all, we thank her for making this important point. Guys, you're not kidding anyone with those black Reeboks. Unless you have some kind of serious orthopedic issue -- in which case you should just wear orthopedic shoes, there's no shame in it! -- don't pair sneakers with a suit.

Did the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King walk all over Alabama witnessing for justice wearing sneakers with his suit? No, he did not. And PeaceBang feels certain that he would not have even if they had made black Reeboks back then. Some days, personal comfort is a fine consideration. When that is the case, you can wear something like this:


When the situation calls for the most dignified presence you can muster, however, it's time for shiny man shoes and nothing else.

(These are by Ecco, so they're actually not pinchy and stiff!)

Philocrites was wearing these the other day, and they're really terrific for an everyday shoe:
http://tinyurl.com/2sho98
(Clark's Oxfords)

Here's a tip, darling gents: Dr. Scholl's makes terrific squishy gel inserts, and if you do as PeaceBang and buy your shoes a half-size bigger, you can show up in a real shoe and still be comfortable on your feet all day.
http://www.drscholls.com/prodselect.aspx?pgid=7

But seriously, PeaceBang just cruised Zappos.com to look at men's shoes and found oodles of great options on there that look nice and are extremely comfortable. Now she's wondering why in the world so many men are walking around in hiking boots and galoshes when there are so many more elegant and equally practical options out there.

Is this a little bit of a Rev. Peter Pan situation, boys? Is this just about wanting to keep that youthful, I Might Just Go Hike Up a Mountain After This Board Meeting, Because I've Got Some GORP In My Pocket And I'm A Free And Wild Spirit, Baby edge? Because, sweeties, here's how it reads to everyone else: "My Son Left His Black Sneakers In The Mud Room And I Couldn't Find My Own Shoes Before Tonight's Service So I Wore His."

Remember what PeaceBang always says, "Well-shodliness is next to godliness."

Wink, wink, kiss of peace!
PB

Rather Handsome, Wouldn't You Say?

Nautica Sale
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Gentlemen, there seems to be a sale on Nautica garments here,

http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=186994&CategoryID=27291

PeaceBang thinks that these are good-looking clothes and quite affordable. Go check them out. And while you're looking at the sweaters, consider not drowning yourself in enormous knits or upstaging your face with loud, busy knitted patterns. It's you we want to hear speaking, not your big ole Dr. Huxtable sweater.

(Yes, you can wear white pants. You have to be in good shape, and you have to keep them clean, but they can look crisp and really nice in the warmer months. Consider pairing with a navy single-breasted blazer and handsome floral tie for meetings.)

Please Pray For Orlando

Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

My living God, is that a MULLET on Orlando Bloom?

And why is his skin so gray?
And his eyes so baggy?

PeaceBang is so deeply dismayed that she might have to go have some chocolate. Now is not the time to return to sermon-writing.

Healing prayers to the previously-dishy and elegant Mr. Bloom.
Lord have mercy.

(thanks to GoFugYourself.com for the photo)

Napoleon Dynamite: A New Line For The UnTall Male

The other day at the inauguration worship service for Deval Patrick, I saw a petite man with a suit jacket that was far too long for him.

His pants were hemmed, and I suspect that he had had the sleeves on the jacket tailored to fit him. However, the jacket itself hung down to mid-thigh, and it had the unfortunate effect of making him look like a little boy dressed in his daddy's clothing.

Short men, I know it's a rough world out there, sartorially speaking. I see lots of "BIG N' TALL" stores, but I've never seen one for short fellas. I don't suppose men have petite sections, either.
And really, it can't be fun for an adult male to shop in the boy's department.

Are short men just presumed to have so much professional ambition that they all have enough money to afford custom-made clothing? No fairsies! I think that some fashion-savvy person should start a line called (hold on!) "NAPOLEON DYNAMITE" (is that genius or is that genius!!?) and design gorgeous clothes for diminutive dudes.

Meanwhile, my short brothers, get thee to a tailor and have at least one good suit that fits you. Your pockets should not be down around your knees.

Special Designated Minister Duds

I have a soft spot for Marvin, because he has the same name as a beloved and recently-departed uncle of mine.

Marvin is a cute young parish minister reader, and he would like to know how he should arrange his life fashion-wise with no extra money whatsoever lying around.

Marvin, my dove, PeaceBang has one bit of advice for you: Keep it simple, and keep it classic.

SLACKS
You should have two pairs of nice enough slacks to wear to the office and on pastoral calls. Say, Dockers. Keep them pressed and clean. Maybe one tan pair and one navy pair.

SHOES
You should have a nice pair of black shoes and a decent pair of brown shoes. The black should be suitable for a funeral. The brown shoes should be something like Oxfords, sturdy and comfortable but not scuffed and not sneakers.

JACKETS AND SUITS
You should own a sports jacket that goes with the Dockers. Something tweedy is fine.

You should own a dark suit suitable for funerals and weddings. And a few ties. If you can find a nice middle ground between Liberal-Whimsy (say, UNICEF ties or Jerry Garcia designs) and Preppy-Stolid, that would be good. No seminary insignias or alumni paraphernalia.

Invest in a trenchcoat that you can wear for the next thirty years (as long as you keep your girlish figure). You should not be doing graveside services in an anorak or windbreaker. Better to be a bit overdressed for some occasions than underdressed for any.

SHIRTS
You should own a few shirts that you can wear on their own or with the sports jacket and/or suit. In fact, your shirt wardrobe is going to be where you really get your variety. Avoid loud patterns that people will remember. You're going for classic, clean, and handsome. Do try things on to assure that they fit you just right.

Dump sports jerseys, t-shirts, snagged or stained henleys, anything in waffle knit cotton (too casual), or polos that make you look more youthful than you need to. Choose fabrics that launder well, that hang nicely, and that maintain their shape. All of which means it's better to buy one good shirt a year than three not-so-great ones.

UPKEEP

Hang things neatly in your closet and invest in good hangers that will help your clothes keep their shape. Never hang suit jackets on doorknobs. Toss underwear when it gets gray and saggy: PeaceBang feels very strongly that those who make do on a minimal wardrobe should not overly skimp on undergarments.

Think of your key wardrobe staples as your Special Designated Minister Duds. Change out of them as soon as you get home. Use old grungy stuff to cook in and do housework in and study in. By doing that, you will save your garments a lot of wear and tear and can look snazzy for less, for longer.

Invest in your image and avoid impulse buys. Shop for your own garments -- just don't buy them -- and then tell your loved ones exactly what you want for Christmas.

Send us photos of your handsomeness!

Guest Column: Skin Advice For The Menfolk

My exquisite and darling people,I offer you a guest column authored by Plip Plop the Chevre from the great country of Canada. He writes to you, gentlemen, as a man who also has skin.



HOW TO GIVE GOOD FACE
A Guest Column By Plip Plop The Chevre

Cleanse every morning and night. There are lots of products out there for men now. Check your local drug store. Creamy liquid cleansers work the best without drying your skin. I like L’Oreal Men Expert “anti-dullness face wash.” Soap is generally a bad idea, especially if you shower or wash with a deodorant or antibacterial soap. But even some of those “facial bars” will dry out your skin.

Tone every morning and night. This is not just for girls. You will need cotton balls or pads. I use Neutrogena alcohol-free toner. Anthony Logistics for Men also has an alcohol-free one. Only use the ones labelled “astringent” if you have acne or really oily skin. After washing, wipe your face down with this stuff and then moisturize. You may want to tone during the day especially if you have oily skin and begin to “shine” by mid-afternoon. If you wear a robe or vestments for worship, this may be especially true, and you’ll want to remove excess oil.

Moisturize twice a day. Try to find a moisturizer with SPF 15, sunscreen that will block out those harmful damaging rays. There are lots of good ones out there for men nowadays, so shop around. Some of my favourites are Biotherm Homme and L’Oreal Men Expert and The Body Shop (thankfully, none of the men’s products at the Body Shop smell like tropical fruit). Neutrogena and Nivea also have excellent men’s skin care products. What you need will depend on your skin type and age. If you have oily skin, you might want to moisturize only once a day, after showering. Figure out whether you have dry, normal, oily, or sensitive skin and look for skin care products accordingly.

I’m not convinced that those special eye-area ones are so special, but ask PeaceBang about that. They promise to reduce wrinkles and expression lines and puffiness, but do they really? I suggest one of those cool eye-masks you keep in your fridge and strap on to your face. Reduces puffiness and bloodshot eyes all at once.

Shave properly. Use a SHARP razor in the direction of your beard’s growth (NOT against the grain) after a warm shower. You want to avoid ingrown hairs and weird bumps. If you’re shaving without showering, dampen a washcloth with hot water and set that on your jowls for a few minutes. Shave after cleansing and toning but before moisturizing. If you are of African ancestry, you may be especially prone to bumps and ingrown hairs. Try to select products with an aloe vera base, which acts as a natural antibacterial.

Most shave gels and creams seem the same to me. The thick luscious ones do the same thing as the cheap ones from the drugstore, namely, lubricate your skin, though they are supposed to do that better. Again, lathering up with soap is a bad idea, so if you’re all environmental and use a bar and brush, try to use some of the creamier ones or The Body Shop’s excellent shaving cream you can use with a brush (L’Occitane has a creamier, more expensive one). These generally last longer than the canned ones you send to the landfill when you’re done, mostly because some of the product stays in the brush.

Don’t use alcohol-based aftershaves. They will dry out your face. I use Cade after shave balm from L’Occitane, especially during the winter months. This stuff is expensive, but worth it. They have a more scented one called, of all things, L’Occitan. These both have shea butter as a key ingredient. Another good one is L’Oreal Men Expert anti-dryness after shave balm.

If you insist on having facial hair, you must trim it AT LEAST once a week. Invest in a pair of clippers or a beard trimmer. Your moustaches must never grow over your upper lip. Your beard must never crawl up your face or down your neck like some grotesque David Cronenberg spider monster. This means using a razor above and below the beard. You must be vigilant about food never getting stuck in there.

Also, make sure your eyebrow hairs are tame and presentable. If you will not make friends with a pair of tweezers because you’re just too damn butch, then make sure that your barber trims your eyebrows as well as the hair around and in your ears. Don’t be embarrassed. Ask him to do it. It’s his job.

Exfoliate once a week. Exfoliation removes the layer of dead skin from the surface of your face. Some of those apricot-pit ones are like sandpaper and will leave your face raw. But most of the girly ones don’t even scrub enough to make a difference. I suggest L’Oreal Men Expert “power buff” (like “powder puff,” but masculine!) anti-roughness exfoliator. [Peacebang here: Be careful with exfoliants if you have ruddy skin! Yes, you should exfoliate, but scrubbing with a "butch" product is not necessarily the best idea for all male skins. Shop around carefully and keep receipts. You can return products if they're all wrong for you. Or visit a specialty store like the Body Shop and ask for advice].

For those blackheads embedded in the huge pores on the nose, PeaceBang suggested I use a clay mask and I must concur. I use Noxema Continuous Clean deep cleansing mask with bentonite clay. Look for any with a clay base. Anthony Logistics for Men has a “deep pore cleansing” one that’s pretty good.

Try to keep the sun off your face. If you are a white person and need to have that tanned look, get a tan that comes in a bottle. Neutrogena has some good ones for the face, in different shades. The Body Shop has one called “Fake It,” but make sure you get the one for the face, which is less oily than the body one.

Two final words of advice: make sure you are drinking enough water, eight to ten 12 oz glasses a day. This will help keep your skin clear. And if you are a smoker, quit smoking.

Tie One On!

There's a neat site called The Tie Bar for really nice-looking, super inexpensive ties.
Check it out, menfolk and tie fans:

http://www.thetiebar.com/categoryPages/Traditional_Ties.asp
I didn't look at any category but "traditional," but I'm sure their other categories feature some good options.

MM-mmm, Those Microfiber Blazers Look GOOD

Jos. A. Banks is having a sale!!

http://www.josbank.com/IWCatSectionView.process?IWAction=Load&Merchant_Id=1&Section_Id=14962

Run, run! These are more than half off, and they have that soft sued-y feel that's snappy but not corporate:

Gents: Be Careful With the Bangs!

SisterBang just forwarded me some photos of our adorable baby nephews who are cuter than ever, except for their incredibly dorky haircuts which make them look like two tiny Franciscan monks. I wrote to my sis, "Good God! Who does their hair, Thich Nhat Hanh?"

Granted, they're only one year old and three, but that overly-short, chopped bangs thing can happen at any age, so fellas, let's be careful out there.
I went to a lecture not long ago given by a handsome guy who had a serious bowl-cut with bangs, and I just have to say it gave him a very strange look, as though he was an adult man body walking around with a sixth grade head.

But while we're on the subject,
Can I ask about ears?

Why are men getting their hair cut in big wide circles around their EARS?
What is that about?

I love men's ears. I support men's ears and the men who have them. Up with ears, I say. The thing is, clean-cutting around the ear is weird and disconcerting. I think, "Why am I seeing pink skin here? Are you having surgery? Are you scheduled for a morning lobotomy or something? Should I be concerned?"

So let it be said that PeaceBang is a fan of the subtle side burn and a little bit of hair around the ears.

While we're on the subject of clean cutting, fellas, I'm seeing FOOD IN BEARDS at collegial gatherings. I am seeing UNTRIMMED GOATEES. I am seeing SIDES OF 'STACHES THAT DRIP INTO MOUTHS.

And you know what PeaceBang has to say about that. Gentlemen, start your Norelco trimmers!

Dolce & Gabbana & Over-Sharing

Men, D&G makes a kind of yummy eau de toilette for men, but it's a little bit sweet and perfumey for most of you, I'm guessing.

For my money, you can't get sexier than Gucci Pour Homme. I BEGGED the last man I dated to wear it, but he refused. This caused a really serious fight because I figured if *I* was willing to wear precariously high heels for him, he could jolly well smell delicious for me. My old high school boyfriend Rob wears Gucci Pour Homme and it makes me have to try very hard not to crawl all over him -- something he finds extremely entertaining because he's now very gay -- and he got me a sample.
All I wanted to do was spritz some on my b.f., was that SO WRONG?!!? I ASK YOU?

Well, that was years ago and he was a first-class [unmentionable Yiddish term] in the first place, but I DIGRESS.

Boys, do at least consider fragrance in your life. And if you haven't updated for twenty years, now's the time. You should definitely not be wearing Polo any more, or Grey Flannel* and you shouldn't be smelling like Old Spice if you're under 65, and that goes for Aramis, too.

Don't wear things that smell like fruit. That's just silly. If you want to smell like fruit just rub a ripe banana behind your ear.

PeaceBang happens to think that men's cologne, when worn subtly enough that a person can only definitely smell it if they're very close to you, is terrific. It's just that little bit of grooming detail that separates the thrown-together dudes from the more carefully put-together dudes. It's a very personal thing, I know, but I have to put my vote in for smelling yumby whether you're a guy or a gal or beyond gender.


* There's nothing inherently wrong with Grey Flannel except that it reminds me of an icky man I dated in Chicago who I STILL think stole my CD of the Original Cast Recoding of "Pippin." He also wore tight acrylic sweaters with no shirt underneath and sort of pointy gray leather dance-type shoes, so the Grey Flannel was just one fashion crime among many.

He's a Lumberjack and It's Not Okay

Fellas, a word to the wise: if even extremely hot celebrity Heath Ledger can look like H-E-Double Matchsticks in this flannel monstrosity, you shouldn't try it at home.


Also note the bad, greasy hair. Not that I don't sympathize, having been photographed with seriously flat, greasy hair recently myself.

Still, avoid the flannel plaid. That goes for you too, ladies. Need I even SAY it?





(Thanks to GoFugYourself for the photo!

Professor Gary Dorrien: Academic and Fashion Exemplar

DSCN2667
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Darling and devoted readers, I am back from the Big, Bad Apple. What an inspiration it was! Fashionable people everywhere walking little dogs in plaid sweaters! Autumn splendor and marathon runners sporting spandex! A little trip to Heaven by Amtrak.



Although I was in Manhattan for a most serious religious conference, I did manage to get a little bit of shopping done, including at Sephora and at Boyd's Pharmacy on the Upper West Side. I came away with just armloads of samples, and I've been slathering my face and body with all manner of concoctions just for YOUR edification! Because as you know, PeaceBang will gladly risk eye infections, skin rashes and anything short of permanent scarring to bring the best beauty recommendations to you, my lovelies.

But before we get to product recommendations, let's talk for a moment about the absolutely lovely human being featured in the blurry, dark photo up there. It is none other than the brilliant and prolific Gary Dorrien, preeminent theological historian of our time, whose work you must know if you're at all interested in American liberal theology.

Dr. Dorrien is the Reinhold Niebuhr Professor of Social Ethics at Union Theological Seminary and I actually met him this past May in his apartment at my friend Rachel's Ph.D. champagne toast, but I was too shy and intimidated to introduce myself then. Yes, imagine that! PeaceBang shy!
I'm sure you can understand my reticence when you study that photo and realize that not only is Professor Gary Dorrien a hugely important intellectual presence in the study of religion (you've at least read The Remaking of Evangelical Theology, right? Or a few of his articles in the Christian Century, which is where I first became enamored of his work? Not to mention his astounding three volume series on American liberal theology, the third volume of which you can order for Christmas!), he is a dreamboat.

Please let me assure you that I did get permission from Dr. Dorrien to post his photo here, and I am trying to be very respectful in my gushing about his intellectual prowess and handsomeness. Since you're undoubtedly already familiar with his academic contributions, I'd like to review a few details of his appearance, which is just flawless and which you should definitely consider emulating, fellas.

1. First of all, and it has to be said: Gary Dorrien has fantastic hair. You probably can't see the details in the terrible photo, but he has beautiful chestnut brown hair cut beautifully to enhance its natural curliness-- and I hope this isn't too irreverent -- he's wearing some kind of hair product that makes it shiny and defines the curls. Boys, take note. This should convert, for once and for all, any hold-outs to the scraggly look. I'm not saying you have to get a perm, I'm just saying that a little pomade and a decent cut won't kill you. Investigate.

2. Secondly, this man is blessed with perfect, glowing skin. Which I know I shouldn't have noticed, rapt as I was over his wonderful lecture, but how could I not? Which simply begs the question, "Dr. Dorrien, what's your secret?" Union seminarians, could you work this question into your next session with the good professor? I'm not sure how one would accomplish this, but perhaps working in a reference to Clinique in a discussion on the crisis in the liberal church would provoke a response about skin care in academia. I don't know, but I have faith that you can figure it out.

3. Little spectacles, pristine, clean and clear, not smudgy and hanging off one ear. De rigeur for academic royalty, and they're perfect on him.

3. What a beautiful outfit. Note the whimsical pink tie, the interesting shirt, the dark jacket pulling it all together. Impeccable, comfortable, communicates respect for himself, respect for his work, respect for his image, respect for the people he's come to address. This man exudes respect and respectability. He is a gentleman and a scholar, and I don't care how cliched that is.

And I don't even care if you've figured out that I have an enormous crush on him.
If I was Gary Dorrien and had people asking me very serious questions about liberal theology and empire and ethics all the time, I think it would be nice to know that someone was appreciating me not only for my scholarly genius, but for my gracious spirit and extreme handsomeness.

I wish him every happiness.

Sins of the Shins

shins are not pretty
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

So I'm at an ordination today and I look across the church and see my dear colleague Who Shall Remain Nameless looking really very spiffy in a sports coat and tie and a nice pair of slacks and shoes. But he's got his leg crossed and I see a wide expanse of WHITE GYM SOCK on his leg and I clutch my heart and fall over dead in the pew.

So I'm dead now. I'm writing this from the Hell of having seen a perfectly well-dressed man wearing WHITE GYM SOCKS with his outfit.

My sister said, and I quote, "That's an abomination unto the Lord."

I must agree with her. Gentlemen, for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, get some appropriate socks for when you dress up. And while we're on the subject, male shins are not pretty. They are actually kind of hairy and scary (socks models being the exception to the rule). Please do not scare people by requiring them to look at your hairy leg over an insufficiently long sock. You'll have to advise each other on this, because all I know is that there are man socks I think of as Old Hairy-Shinned Man Socks and man socks that are attractive.

P.S. Sinful shinful colleague, I still love ya.