Beauty Tips Is One Year Old This Week! Good Friday Attire

My dear and faithful powder pigeons,

Can you believe that BTFM is one year old this week?

It all started last year when I posted Make-Up For Ministers 101 on my regular blog and my sister said, "You have to start a separate blog for this." And I said, "Oh, don't be ridic. What would I have to say beyond about five posts?"
And she said, "There's tons of stuff to talk about! You'd love it!"
And I said "Nuh UH," and she said, "Yuh-HUH" and you know how it is with pushy big sisters.
She got her way, I came up with the thrillingly original name Beauty Tips For Ministers, and here we ARE.

I'm gearing up for Good Friday and Easter and have decided that I really like the posts I wrote a year ago, so for your reminiscence or fresh enjoyment, may we present from the Archives,

http://beautytipsforministers.blogspot.com/2006_04_09_archive.html!!

Enjoy!

Here in New England it's positively freezing, so any bright ideas I had about wearing cute little skirts for church this weekend are just shot to Hell. I may wear trousers for Good Friday services in the city. I won't be robed, I won't be sitting on any kind of dais, it's a very progressive community, and a black trousers-and-blazer combo should suit the occasion quite well.

I may wear a stole although I know my colleagues don't like it and it's not strictly kosher, you should forgive the expression.

I would love to wear a beautiful, fairly big cross I bought in Salt Lake City about 8 years ago, but there's something about wearing a beautiful empty cross on Good Friday that seems not quite appropriate. Too full of grace, too comforting, too triumphant. Maybe I should deny myself the pleasure of wearing the cross until Sunday. Maybe tomorrow should just be unadorned. Or...seriously... pearls?

It's a good thing I did start this blog, chickens, because honestly, where else could you ask that question and not fear getting stoned by a vindictive crowd?

PB in NYC: March 2007 Edition

Hello my dear friends!

PeaceBang is going to spend two nights in New York City to be with her two favorite women in the whole world -- MotherBang and SisterBang -- and to celebrate their March birthdays.

She will be out of sight and out of touch to the blogging community through Friday.

Before she goes, she wants to share with you her deep joy at having had lunch today with two readers of this blog who drove all the way from Long Island, NY to Boston's South Shore to take her to lunch. I must say that I was truly moved that they would they do this, and delighted to find that they were inspiring, brilliant, beautiful, talented, funny, charismatic, committed Christian women and leaders with whom I will be most proud and happy to be associated. We had a blast. I am very excited to be the fairy godmother for a writing project they are embarking upon.

When I began blogging I had no idea that I would have wonderful people writing to me from as far away as Finland, Sweden, England and Czechoslovakia, that I would get invited to parties by readers, that I would subsequently be invited to preach part of the Good Friday service at a progressive Catholic congregation in town, and that I would be treated to a broader glimpse of what God is doing through ministers of so many different faith traditions.

It's quite amazing what's happened with this funny little blog, and I'm humbled by it and grateful for all of you.

Kiss of peace,
xoxo PB

When Bloomies Blows Your Serenity

Dear ones,

PeaceBang has been fairly DELUGED with marvelous queries this week, and she promises to get to them when she has just a wee bit more energy.

Do not despair! We will address holy-holey boyfriend shoes, GA wear, candidating togs and all other manner of your fabulousness when the Holy Spirit comes and hits PeaceBang upside the head and says, "Get back to work, girl! Your faithful readers need you!"

But right now, how can PeaceBang give you advice on being your best most radiant self and emitting the thrilling energy of the contemporary church when she has four broken nails, Walter Mondale bags under her eyes, and a desire to wrap herself in this for a few days, or until we're out of this Arctic blast:

?

What a nice pedicure!

I had to walk through Bloomingdale's on my way to Sephora today to return a product (a fragrance by Fresh that I mistook for the delicious V-Tonic they issued last year, but which turned out to smell like Lemon Pledge) and thought, oh my heavens. Oh MY HEAVENS. Look at all the women in this place who are very seriously shopping for $600 shoes as though those shoes were really very seriously important. This is a problem. Not only is it rampant materialism at its saddest ("salvation through Salvatore Ferragamo!"), the shoes this season aren't even that great! Once you've seen the doyennes of Chestnut Hill, MA squeeze their toes into patent leather peep-toe spectator pumps, you just can't muster quite the same sense of fun about them as you did when you saw them featured in Glamour, if you know what I mean.

Those gals were shopping for shoes with the kind of earnestness most people reserve for reciting their wedding vows. You want to know where to evangelize, people? Try the shoe department at Bloomingdales. I remember once seeing an want ad for a MALL CHAPLAIN. To this day I have no idea what the job entails but I always imagined that the Mall Chaplain would be there to help you through buyer's remorse, and lead you to confront which of your soul's deepest desires those Cole-Haan loafers were supposed to fill. Does anyone out there know what a Mall Chaplain really does?

ANYhoo, duckies, the point is that PeaceBang is a bit tired and cranky and if she can't even get a kick out of Spying For the House of the LORD in the Bloomie's shoe department, what GOOD is she?

You be wonderful and vibrant, won't you, while mother has a nice little nap.

PeaceBang Probably on "Nightline" Tonight, ABC

Well, Powder Pigeons, a big kiss of peace to you for making this such a wild adventure.

It's very likely that I will be appearing on "Nightline" tonight on ABC, 11:35 EST. I will be hearing from the producer, Nancy Cordes, after the 11:00 meeting today, but I wanted to post this before I leave for the church and get too busy with all that the rest of the day has in store.

I won't be watching when it airs -- I'll save that for later, when I can be with supportive friends and perhaps a Manhattan -- but I hope you'll let me know how you think I did speaking to the integrity of ministry and the necessity of taking our image seriously.

Ministry is like this: You get your heart, soul, body and mind prepared, you show up and do the best you can to communicate the love of God and the relevancy of religious life, you go home and make some soup and start on another task, and you accept that much of what happens is the work of the Holy Spirit, and not you. You tank, you soar, you really have no way of knowing much of the time -- meanwhile, life goes on and you are called to keep showing up for all of it. Of course we care about style and image, all because that shines a light on our ultimate Christian vocation, to clothe ourselves in love. Thank you, Saul of Tarsus.

Tomorrow: a day-long workshop on Prophetic Spirituality at Episcopal Divinity School in Cambridge. So looking forward to it! Will I see any of you there?

Television-Induced Existential Crisis

Hello in a post-Oscar moment before heading off to bed, powder pigeons!

I watched the entire telecast at my friends' house, on one of those ginormous flat-screen TVs that make you feel as though you are THERE.

I thought that almost all the stars look smashing this year, but I didn't much enjoy the show. It dragggggged. The Al Gore moment was lovely, and I was so happy for Jennifer Hudson, Forrest Whittaker and Martin Scorcese. I adore Helen Mirren.

It occurred to me watching the Oscars that I just don't watch television very much at all, and the vast majority of my encounters with pop culture come through the internet or brief interludes with magazines -- usually in the line at the grocery store.

So I suffered an anxiety attack right there in M and P's living room realizing that I am going to be on television -- a medium I don't really have any meaningful connection to!

I believe that this little flurry of attention is related to the mistaken impression people have that we clergy are remote creatures, too busy being super-duper holy to be fully engaged in the world the way "ordinary" people are. You know, I know, and God knows that we're not superduper holy, we're not remote, and we're not disengaged from the real world as lay people know it. Like everyone else, we're trying to juggle all our responsibilities in life, with the added layer of attending people through the spiritual journey and speaking a word of hope and grace on Sunday mornings. We're trying to figure out how to communicate through our appearance some of the relevancy and vibrancy we believe is present in the contemporary Church.

How can we do things like connect to pervasive forces like television while still honoring the essential aspect of our calling? Television requires sound bites: ministers don't think, speak or live in sound bites. Television says, "entertain me!" and ministers don't entertain, we engage. (I mean, I certainly intend to entertain you as PeaceBang, but you're not the general public. This conversation is by us, for us, and about us, darlings!).

And yet we must be willing to reach people through popular media. If you had a few moments of time on national television, what message about the vitality of liberal religious life would you want to communicate? I've got my talking points ready (hint: it's not actually fashion we care about so much as better managing our complicated role and image in our churches and in society), but I'd love to hear some of yours.

PeaceBang Will Make You Famous!!

Darlings, PeaceBang seems poised to have fifteen minutes of fame. Or maybe just fifteen seconds. Whatever the case, she is tentatively excited by the fact that an esteemed journalist from the Boston Globe has interviewed her and is planning to do a story on her Glamorous Life of Blogging. Which, as you know, IS deeply glamorous. As subsequent photos will undoubtedly show, PeaceBang blogs in a tiara and a bugle-beaded gown and always has at least a dozen yellow roses on her Chippendale desk as she composes these posts -- all memorable, all profound.

THAT said, the Globe reporter would very much like to speak with some of you about WHY in the name of God you read this blog, and whether or not it has HELPED you in your quest for a lovelier, more polished public image, and whatever else you would care to tell him, for instance, how you plan to invite PeaceBang to your waterfront summer home because you adore her that much.

If you'd be so inclined to participate in the story, please indicate your willingness in the comments section, and I will forward your e-mail address to the appropriate place.

Ta-ta, dears. PeaceBang is rather a nervous wreck about all of this, but she is willing to be brave for The Cause.*



*The de-frumpification of the American clergy.

You LIKE Me! You Really LIKE Me!

You LIKE Me! You Really LIKE Me!
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

My darling and devoted powder pigeons!! Pardon me while I wipe tears from my face and compose myself!

What joy to have won three awards from the recent UU Blog Awards! http://uupdates.net/uublogawards/winners/2007
Your humble and holy beauty correspondent has won,

Best Writing
Best New Blog
Best Anecdote or Narrative, Best of Class (can someone explain that to me?)

from you! You! Aren't you just TOO DEAR?

Now honestly, while PeaceBang might have dared hope to be acknowledged as Best New Blog, she hardly knows what to say about Best Writing. How did this happen? What does this mean? Is this evidence of a quiet rebellion among American clergypeople? I hear the cry of my people: "Enough theology, we want LIP GLOSS!"

Well, my loyalists, PeaceBang HEARS you. She will keep the frivolity and the lip gloss ALIVE on this blog. Others may delve into the deep waters of religious meaning, but PeaceBang will keep this space alive for product reviews, dishy exposes of What Not To Wear in the pulpit, and passionate ruminations about looking our very best while toiling in the vineyards of the Lord.

Bless your hearts.

I'd like to thank my sister Karen for saying to me last April, "You really need to start another blog just for all the beauty commentary." She is the spiritual midwife to the madness that is Beauty Tips for Ministers, and we blow her kisses today.

One More Day To Vote

tiara
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

PeaceBang is so close to that tiara, she can just TASTE it.

Vote here:


http://uupdates.net/uublogawards/

and feel the love from Your Favorite New Blog (as of today's tally).

If I win, CoverGirl Outlast All Day Lipcolor for everyone!

And Gucci Homme for the guys!

In my imagination! But still, I would if I could!

Burning Questions

Darling readers, I'm back!

PeaceBang's plane got in from Miami (via Guatemala City) very late last night, so she spent the night in Boston. You can believe that as soon as she got into her car this morning she reached for her handy tweezer and PLUCKED the chin hairs that had grown completely out of control over the past ten days, rendering her a total bruja!

And now that PeaceBang is safely home, before she even lowers herself into a bubbly tub, she wants to know how you are, and how are your beautiful selves? What questions have you for the coming week as PB catches up with church and life in general?

Cat Update

For those of you who care (and we're very grateful that you do):

She is breathing well. She grooms herself a lot. She seems very happy. She came to the door to greet me tonight; a first since she came home.
She is sleeping a lot but not all the time. She is extremely snuggly and likes to be near me, but is getting more independent and more like her Sass Factory self.
She plays with her cotton "snake" when I dangle it in front of her.
She takes her meds obediently and then stays in my lap for kisses and praise.

The only bad news is that she doesn't eat unless I warm up some very cheap, stinky food and put it right under her nose on my finger. I feed her bite by bite and then she walks away, and then I coax her into a few more bites. She's eating about 3-4 teaspoons of food a day, and as many treats as I can get into her. She is not drinking very much but I can trick her into lapping up some water if I put tuna juice in it and place it right under her nose.

We are going to X-ray her lungs again when I'm home from vacation.

I really do thank you for your prayers and support. It's been extremely touching. If not for friends I wouldn't even have known how to get some food into her.

Update on Erm

They are going to give her antibiotics, anti-parisite medication, prednisone and something else.
A tracheal wash could kill her (she may not survive anesthesia) and the results would be inconclusive (and extremely expensive!).

As it is, this is wiping out my savings hour by hour. It's horrifying to watch it disappear and to know that I may have to euthanize her in a very short period of time to alleviate her suffering.

She is no longer in oxygen because they want to see if she can survive without it. If not, there's not much hope.

My lame little beauty tip for the day:
Maybelline Volume Express Waterproof mascara is NOT waterproof. It definitely doesn't smear onto your face, but it washes off with tears.

My Beauty

Ermengarde Christmas 2006 015
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

This is the only beautiful face I want to gaze upon tonight, and she's at the animal hospital in an oxygen container struggling for her life.

She has acute pneumonia. There was no real warning; I just coaxed her out of hiding this afternoon and found her gasping for air.

PeaceBang has no words. She is just too heartsick and worried.
[I am leaving updates at Peacebang.blogspot.com, with appreciation for your care -- xoxo ]

Gaudete

russellish
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

I attended a very elegant campus-oriented soiree last night given by a fellow blogger and reader of this blog, and I would just like to say that it was a true pleasure meeting some of you and finding out that you are, as I suspected, lovely beings.

I wish you all could have seen the wire-haired dachsund scooting around with his little Santa hat on. Extremely soigne little dewd.

Vanity, Vanity, All Is Vanity Saith the Preacher

So I'm standing in the office today at church and chatting with my very cute secretary about the ministry of PeaceBang and we're talking about CUTE PURSES and how we can so easily get into fashion ruts, and the copier is merrily spewing out bajillions of Christmas Eve programs and our very cute office manager (who totally rocks heavy-framed black eyeglasses without even realizing how much like the quintessential Hot Librarian this makes her look, as she's blonde and beautiful) is doing her thing at the next desk and after all this chit-chat about the importance of beauty and fashion and how I'm so INTO it and all, I get into my car and check my face in the rear view mirror and see that I have lipstick ALL OVER MY TEETH.

And I cackle madly because I am supremely busted.

Please Pray For Moi

Even the sight of her own bright red fingernails (manicured at a very short length, which yours should also be if you're wearing a deep or very bright red hue) can't lift PeaceBang out of the funk into which losing her entire hard drive has cast her.

She will try to lift her own spirits by waving a weak welcome to the new Episcopal clergy readers from the San Diego diocese, and to ask those girls and boys if they would be willing to say a little prayer for success with the Geek Squad data recovery team who are coming in the morning.

That goes for the rest of you, too. Would you say a little prayer? In addition to her final semester paper and exam, PeaceBang has lost many dozens of dearly beloved worship files that she cannot believe she failed to back up.

All of which is to say, "Jesus saves, and so should you. Frequently."

PeaceBang is so blue today (and where is that sunshine they were promising us, HUH?) that she is actually wearing KNEE SOCKS WITH A LONG, FRUMPY FLOWING SKIRT.

It doesn't matter that no one can see the socks under the skirt. My soul knows that they're there, and my soul grieves.

HARD DRIVE DEATH

PeaceBang's computer died the death this morning.

Not only has she lost her paper and her take-home exam that are due tomorrow morning -- not to mention her Christmas Eve liturgy -- she is going to have to shell out close to $2000 for a new one.

It's a very very bad day.

No, you don't have to send flowers.
But if you feel so moved, you may contribute to the Computer Fund via PayPal. After all, the ministry of PeaceBang happens entirely and exclusively via the magic of computers, and this was most certainly not in PB's 2006 budget!

Thanksful for YOU, PeaceBangers!

The stuffing is cooking away and smelling amazing, the travelers are upstairs asleep, the turkey is all buttered up and almost ready to go in the oven (sorry, vegans!), the pies and trifle are made, the green bean casserole and other sides are assembled, the friends are arriving all day with dinner at 3pm and dessert in the evening...

I'm putting together a little morning prayer service from Oremus and the Universalist Prayerbook and thought I'd stop by to tell you all that you're beautiful, you're a whole lot of fun, and I'm grateful for you. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day.

Kiss, kiss!
Peace.
Bang.

PB Goes Bye-Bye To NYC PDQ

Darling and sweet ones,

Sorry to have been so remiss, and to not have kept up with your wonderful comments and questions. PeaceBang is juggling so many things, including, just now, an incipient head cold that she is going straightaway to bed to try to kill in its infancy.

Since she is heading to the Big Apple on Thursday to share in some Christian fellowship and to become deeply inspired by the big city fashionistas (how DO those girls tromp around the city streets in such high heels?), PeaceBang will leave you to savor her archives for the time being. She hopes to return this weekend extremely refreshed in the Holy Spirit and with loads of hot tips for you.

Meanwhile, God bless your hearts, and exfoliate.

Now THAT's Fashion Entertainment!!

Oh my God.
Oh my God.
I am delirious!!
Go immediately to this link and listen to The New York Times' Cathy Horyn's commentary on Fashion Week:

http://tinyurl.com/fe9wh

If you don't absolutely burst your appendix laughing I will buy you a free appletini next time I see you.

I am over the moon on this! First we get to actually see the ridiculous stylings of Narciso Rodriguez -- just insane nonsense like they always do, you know, the pleatherette red breastplate and things inspired by Darth Vader worn by sneering stick girls -- and while that's all hilarious enough, you get the dramatically deadpan, extravagantly pretentious commentary of Ms. Horyn at the SAME TIME!! IT IS HEAVEN!!

She describes the clothing in phrases like "something evocative of the unsavory," and "nomadic, patched-up elegance" and if you ask me, we should all listen to this commentary over and over again in order not only to quote her extensively but to master her pronunciation of words like "show" (say"shee-owww," only don't move your lips or jaw while you do it) and "clothes" ("cleeooooooooooooooooowths"). I am Cathy Horyn's biggest new fan! Physically AND emotionally! Who IS she? Is she a real person, do you think, or a comedian pulling an elaborate hoax? And do you think she was born with that many y's in her name??

Anyway, do enjoy this to its fullest, but do not be drinking a beverage while you listen to the first couple of designer commentaries, I'm warning you. Things get more interesting and less utterly bombastic by the time we get to Anna Sui and Zac Posen (and Sui's collection just rocks, btw).

Go, go, go! Listen now! I don't want you to miss this! It is totally evocative of the unsavory!

(make sure to click twice on the button that works for your modem speed)